luvingmeself

2009-12-13T00:19:00.000-08:00

well it feels like not long ago, everything seemed to be gg quite well for me. however, as i was browsing through some of my friends' profiles on facebook, i realized that in my life, ive made many friends, but ive also lost a lot of friends.
looking at a certain person's facebook account, i see tt many of my classmates from secondary sch are still meeting up very regularly. they have parties and they hang out a lot tgt. they used to call me but now it just feels like im an outsider, like someone peering into a fish tank where the fish r having so much fun but the human cant join them becos well he's different.
then i looked at another person's facebook account and the status kinda stung me. i dno for what particular reason i felt like tt. its just tt u wna be included in everything but somehow u arent exactly ms popularity. well as matt said, its just a myth. i just have to let everything go and go with the flow.
anyway im off most of the days next week so im kinda happy with the many breaks tt im getting to rejuvenate from this very stressful yr. whoever said mdc is slack shld just go shoot themselves in the head unless u know u r referring to the musicians who dun really have anything to do.
i'll just try my best to continue keeping this blog relevant although somehow it just seems very focused on MUA!! hahaha. ttyl.

2009-12-07T00:25:00.000-08:00

so glad that i dont have to go to work today. it just feels wonderful that i dont even have to do any costume stuff for now. i just went to watch twilight new moon with my galpal rajes. wasnt an awesome movie but something else was awesome. i'll leave it to you people to let ur imagination run wild. the movie plot was a little thin. there was no real action although there were many moments where i gasped in suspense. it seemed like the arrangement of the movie was a little too messy but i could definitely feel bella and edward's love being a sucker for romance. hahaha. i would probably rate it a 3/5.

2009-12-05T05:25:00.000-08:00

well its been a tough yr i suppose but one that was a little different. looking back at the yr 2009, i cant believe that i have almost completed a yr of national service. that is crazy from when i was so afraid to book in during the bmt period to my glorious mdc days now. i can say that im really grateful to God for just carrying me through this new phase of my life.

reminiscing, i still rmb the first day i set foot on pulau tekong. i was so nervous my heart was practically beating as fast as a bullet train. i was glad when i saw matt, a fren i wasnt close to then but i was just glad to see a familiar face. through out the course of bmt, i should say tt i had it quite easy. i still had to do all those disgusting military activities but i had good nights where i made close bonds with friends and slept well at night. now when i go back to tekong, its a whole different experience. im now in mdc which means i go back there for performances. its awesome to feel freedom in my hands and when i look at the recruits, i smile impishly to myself imagining the torture they must be gg through. hahaha. i know im such a bitch but its funny. hahaha. talking about mdc, im really glad i made it there and i know how very fortunate i am to have made it there. i thank God whenever i have the opportunity. mdc is a place that has taught me many lessons and im glad my artistic managers give me the freedom to explore creative spaces and discover what it means to be a designer since i am so inexperienced. hahaha. but i have to say, im glad to have made close friends esp matt hahaha who accompanied me from bmt. little did we expect we wld do almost the whole national service tgt. i just hope that in 2010 i really get to build up my portfolio and enjoy the rest of my time in mdc((:

hahaha. now for the minute details of what has happened recently. of course there was the PAFF D&D which was quite fun. hahaha. judging by the outfit.

other than me, i must also comment that lady gaga's extension of her first album, the fame monster is looking pretty good. bad romance has alr become such a huge success online and the girl is working her fashioooooooooon.

RAWR!! hahaha....

2009-11-07T05:18:00.000-08:00

well it started out as a great week but slowly went downhill to one that hasnt been that great. im talking about this week. i was so psyched about all the inspirations i got for my latest projects in MDC and i was ready to like start on it and do a great job for the last tekong show this yr.

i dont know why but this blog is totally for all the rantings and it just screams: NEGATIVITY OVERLOAD!! but i dont really care since this is my platform to really express what i suppress inside. basically my ideas for beyonce medley were excepted but with much hesitation. my boss was worried of the whole changing of costumes. as for the michael jackson medley, the idea was totally scrapped because we're now headed in a totally different direction. it was kinda frustrating but working with my boss for some time now, i understand how he works and its almost normal for him to always change his mind because he really wants the best. after i had gone through this episode, the next disaster arrived. i went to see the tailor that i usually go to and she told me she cldnt finish doing all the costumes for me but only half of the beyonce medley which officially leaves me in deep shit. now i have to continue searching for alternatives and hopefully everything will turn out ok (if its God's will) and i learnt a lesson to never just depend on one source. now i have to outsource and i dont even know which tailors i can rely on. gosh. not only that. the michael jackson costumes will have to be made because no friggin store selling business clothes sell a full pure white suit. ugh everything is black, grey and off white. goodness.

so after yesterday, i really had to take a break because its really too much to handle as of now. i have to slowly sort out and plan out what i want to do and how im gg to finish everything by the end of this month (actually more like before the last week of november) HELP!! anyway i was feeling in the mood for a movie that was sad because that was how i was feeling at that point of time so i watched: My Sister's Keeper. OMG!! i have to say that it is such a great show. it wasnt the best but it was gooooooooood. hahaha. throughout the movie, i was tearing because the emotions the actors played out were so real and it felt like a life story being told right in front of me. i was crying by the last scene because the death was a painful one and seeing something like that just gets to me. it really made me realize that i have to treasure the people in my life because life is so fragile and to see a loved one in such a state would absolutely break my heart. sigh.

i just hope that tomorrow will bring with it some joys for me and i really sincerely hope that my work will not just be completed on time but look like what i intended it to be. as of now i just gotta suck it up.

2009-11-01T23:11:00.000-08:00

well halloween wasnt a really significant period for me becos ive never really celebrated it. in fact i didnt even feel like celebrating it on saturday when everyone was all dressed up in costumes ready to party. i on the other hand decided that spending quality time with some of my good friends seemed more fun. i was a little hesitant in the day though when they told me that we were going to watch the latest singapore film: blue mansion. we have to admit that we usually prefer the special effects and dramatics from the films that are produced in hollywood and it is undeniable that the filming techniques are more professional and advanced. hence, i wasnt really keen on a singapore film but im glad glenn goei proved me wrong.

there was a newspaper report on his present work where he sold his houses to pay for the film which i have to say shows a lot of drive and passion for his craft. the movie was very very very good. the literary devices just brought the whole movie alive. the meanings and intentions behind every single scene was well thought and hence portraying emotions that felt real. it really drew me in and i appreciated that the movie was such a success. i would totally recommend it to my friends. hahaha.

anyway on a separate note, i have to say that ive been trying to keep things more low key because i guess its become a little tiring on ppl to feel my high energy and i know i can't please everyone by being entirely myself. plus there was a whole other incident that caused some awkwardness so right now i dont really want to be screaming and announcing my presence. and praise the Lord because i feel that things between me and the wardrobe mistress have been getting a little better. i guess shes more comfortable to my working style now and i realized that shes not evil just a little too conservative in the way she does things that pisses me off sometimes. i guess i should credit the artistic manager who i had a good speech with. he tld me that i have to take things in a different light so that i dont get affected by what she says or does since its not personal. im glad and i really have to thank God for being so gracious to me.

ive also felt recently that i need to come back a little closer to God. ive generally been a little more distant and it doesnt help that i am so busy at work. my father mentioned something that really made me think about stuff. he said that when he was a teen, he asked God what present he could give him on Christmas (which is kinda weird) but i really loved the answer. God appeared to him in his quiet time and the exact words from the material he was reading was: the best gift you can give to God for Christmas is your TIME! freaky or what but i really feel like our time is very precious to us and by surrendering it to God and giving him our time is the greatest gift we could give him. i was quite inspired by that. to all the cynics who are non-Christians, dont wry, i havent turn into some extremist.

anyway ive also felt really inspired for my latest project in mdc so im gg to sleep on it. gdnite((:

2009-10-21T07:22:00.000-07:00

ive been feeling a little shitty lately with things that have been going on this entire month. lets just start from my birthday week. no doubt it was my fault to expect a lot. i expected all my friends to celebrate my birthday but i got disappointed. very very disappointed. on my birthday, i had to call my good friend rachel to come out with me because i had no plans on the actual day. furthermore, i was working in the company all by myself. i felt sad, alone and for the first time, i felt my birthday was shit. matt did tell me tt there was gg to be a surprise bday celebration for me but that didnt happen as well. its just human nature to place the insignificant people in ur life at the bottom of ur list and tts how i felt. even a girl tt was not faring very well in work got a birthday song call by everyone. i know it seems very petty and childish to be ranting about such things. but the thing is every yr, i look forward to my birthday week because i enjoy the quality time i get with my friends becos its my special day so im sry if any of u think tt im just a useless weak bimbo. i felt really unappreciated tt even my friends have forgotten me.

of course there were the other moments that were happy. those little pockets of surprises made me feel better than i felt that week. lynn and ashrul surprised me with a little birthday cake and so did my clique who surprised me with lunch. that was all very very nice and i really really felt so nice and warm. hahaha.

looking at the bigger picture of my problem, i feel like im too nice sometimes so much so that people take me for granted. i feel like people are always very nice to me when they need the help. but once they've got it they just throw me aside like im a piece of used tissue paper. it makes me feel kinda sad that such friendships exist in this world. its just disheartening and it makes me feel like i cant trust many people. i guess this is one of the life lessons that ive learnt from mdc. if u ask me, the number of gd frens i have in mdc wont even need all my 10 fingers. sigh. if u ask me, the real world isnt always as fun as u imagine it to be.

maybe i just need to work my guts of, gain knowledge and then eff off. making friends with people where i work has become such an issue and a tedious process which i just dont really feel like going through any more becos im afraid of getting hurt or betrayed and then i become more cynical then i alr am. i believe what matt said was correct. the smile that i put on every single day of my life is nothing more than a facade that i use to mask the hurt that i feel. so many people have hurt me from the things they said or have done and time and time again i tell myself to let it go but really its easier said then done. i feel so weak and useless for not being able to stand strong and just be independant and not rely so much on people so that i dont have to go through this whole process over and over again.

i feel tired. not just physically but mentally and emotionally. im tired of the constant change of attitudes and behaviours. i just wish everything would just pause for a moment so i can take a breath. i havent felt this way in quite a while but i guess one has to adapt and in times of such difficulties, to look towards heaven and ask God for guidance and strength.

2009-09-28T06:18:00.000-07:00

well so a lot has been going on since i was absent from this blog. i cried. yes i cried but not in front of the wardrobe mistress of course. many ppl have told me to since it'll scare the shit outta her but i didnt really wna show her my weakness. basically it has been shit for me working under her. with the title of wardrobe mistress, one would imagine someone who is capable of managing a wardrobe (which includes: having a good grasp of various sewing skills, knowing how to tailor costumes, designing and having a good colour sense). this is the basic skills a wardrobe mistress should have. unfortunately, the one i work under doesnt know how to do anything, so basically shes useless. i have never seen such a leech on society, someone who is so useless but rides on the talents and hard works of other, in this case, me. she has told many lies that have painted a nasty impression of me to the manager who i work directly under, hence making me look like a liability to the company rather than an asset. that was one of the factors that built up to my emotional breakdown last thurs.

take for example a simple case of shortening pants. i admit tt i cant do it well because i have NO experience as compared to someone who has had 36 yrs in the same place to work on a basic skill. that woman shortened a pants by stitching it after folding the excess in which gave a heavy look because she refuses to cut anything. when my boss questioned her, she LIED by pushing the blame to me, saying that i did it. what kind of moral person would blatantly LIE in front of others just so tt they dont get themselves into deep shit. it amazes me how she did it without batting an eyelid.

another incident would be how she refuses to give me money to purchase cloth for my item although she was obliged to give it to me since she is after all the wardrobe mistress. instead, she asked me to get the money from my colleague from the artiste department, claiming on grounds that it is his item when she obviously knew it was her responsibility. she has given thousands to previous designers who have come back to MDC for reservice, never complaining but being such an inhumane dog when it came to giving me a fraction of money.

anyway after building up all my pent up anger, hurt and frustration for about 6 months now, i just BROKE DOWN!! i cried for half an hr screaming slogans like "I HATE HER!!" or "I WANT TO KILL HER!!" or "SHES A BLOODY BITCH!!". not that my parents could stop me since they knew i wld just say it anyway. i was so angry for letting her trample over me and for letting her take advantage of my meekness and my basic respect for a superior by not talking back or screaming at her. shes someone who will never gain my respect because other than being a parasite in this society, she is nothing in my eyes. of course i dont wish her death, although in my anger i did, but i hope that she will reap what she sows one day. the day isnt for me to decide because as my parents said: let god do it because he said in the bible that "vengeance is mine".

now for the music. hahaha. recently, ive been listening a lot to the saturdays because they are really good. i think they're still quite indie in singapore but they're supposed to be quite big in the uk. anyway heres an example of their song.

2009-09-18T06:04:00.001-07:00

its been quite sometime since i last blogged although ive been online almost everyday. some things have happened both good and bad i guess.

the most recent unfortunate events happened this week. lets start of with MC. tt bitch is just incorrigible. i seriously hate her. a few months ago i gave out white flair pants to the artistes, eight to be exact for an item they were putting up. i didnt write anything on the pants because i didnt what to write or whether i was allowed to write on the pants so i gave it to them in their plastic bags. but someone didnt return and it cldnt be traced becos there was nothing written on the pants. she said if i cldnt find it i wld have to pay. firstly this is NOT my fault becos shes supposed to be present at work and not be slacking. secondly, i was still quite new at that pt of time. thirdly, im a nsf not a dxo. the superior has to take the responsibility esp since she has been doing this job for friggin 36 yrs and still cant do it well. so if she does make me pay, i will complain to the sib. srsly i was so affected i just cried. luckily only lynn saw my tears. sigh. then after tt i wrote down ALL my offs which is equivalent to my overtime pay. i have 19.5 days but it seems managers can cancel offs which they feel is not relevant or something like tt. WTF!! srsly. i worked hard for my offs. many a day i had to come back to work early in the morning after a performance at night. now tt is srsly unfair. i will complain to sib too if tt happens after i enquire the rights a nsf has. srsly i cld be out of army doing something useful with my life but i have to sacrifice to serve the nation for a small sum of money so like what the hell. anyway as i always say. i LOVE my job but i HATE my bosses (the two tt im directly under).

on a happier note. my friends in the artiste department have also been very very very good to me. they are like my oxygen in mdc. without them i think i wld have turned mental under all the stress those two bitches place on me.

i also met up with wg, javier, june and justin tonite. it was gd becos i havent been out for like the whole week becos i was so friggin tired during the week. we went somewhere near my hse which is so random becos a lot of ppl wld assume we wld go to town but we dun mind anywhere as long as we can catch up with one another. ive still yet to meet my clique. hahaha. dunno where they mia-ed to. haha.

oo and i love this madonna song. its been out for sometime now. but i just cant stop gushing about it. it isnt her best song but the song is so catchy i just want to like dance when i hear it.

and gossip girls, antm and project runway are all out. this gives me something to look forward to when im not meeting my friends. YEAH!! ive alr watched 4 episodes of project runway season 6. so far no designer has really caught my eye. but im sure one of them will stand out soon like how in season 4 i just adored christian siriano. hahaha. anym cycle 13 also has an interesting twist this time round. they have decided to groom models that are petite. sound unusual but i think its quite awesome that tyra gives chances to everyone. sounds mean but i think if they did have a big girls edition i dun think i wld watch it. i still believe in the whole a-model-should-be-skinny theory. its only then that clothes can be shown off the way a designer imagines (at least that is what all the famous high end brands believe in esp the wonderful karl lagerfield). oo and gossip girls. it is so refreshing to watch it after not being aired for so long. i love the fact that there seems to be a few twists to the plot and i cant wait to see how everything unfold. of course its always great to see all the beautiful people in the cast of gossip girls esp my favourite leighton meester and all the boys. hahahaha. anyway all these shows are a must watch so do catch it soon((:

2009-09-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

life as a fashion designer is never as easy as one imagines. people who don't work in the fashion industry will never be able to fully comprehend the blood sweat and tears that go into every single piece of clothing sent down the runway. this thought dawned upon me while i was watching "the day before fendi", a documentary of the fendi fall09 show. the whole process of watching the show made me feel worn out as i tried to place myself in the shoes of the people who work round the clock to make the fashion show a success. karl lagerfield is such an inspiration as i really saw how he managed to adapt to his surroundings and really blend with his work environment. he has such grace when he walks so much so that he exudes a certain presence that is uniquely his. he also manages to use his design eye to create perfection even if it means being brutal while crediting the people that he feels deserves his praise.

on a personal note. life has not been the easiest being at home and i much enjoy being outside with my friends. true what my parents say of family always being there for you in times of trouble but they can also be the source of ur unhappiness which in this case has been what ive been feeling. ever since my coming out, ive had NO PEACE from my mother. shes been always on the offensive which is making my life miserable. its in times like these when what the counselors say about parents needing to support their children for who they are becomes so important in the child's life. i can officially say that my parents DONT!! i feel kinda claustrophobic at home. no doubt its been a little better talking things out but ive also opened another door for trouble, mainly the _____phobic tendencies of my mother. this annoys me A LOT and sometimes i just want to scream at her, telling her to SHUTUP because you here her whining about how miserable she is that i give her trouble although i dont see how i have destroyed her life. i am neither rude nor do i give her a hard time. it kinda affects me and i feel my life becoming a little more miserable as the days go by. in fact i cant wait for the day where i can move out of this home so tt some of unhappiness in my life can be cut off. she says i have a loose mouth but she shld look in the mirror. the theory of pot calling the kettle black really applies in this case and i can say that her words to me are cutting enough to make me dislike her.
other than tt its back to work tmr. so signing off.

2009-08-31T18:19:00.000-07:00

the tekong show went quite well ytd although the crowd wasnt very good. i feel that the whole dynamics of the show changed since the june show probably because of the various preferences. i am NOT stereotyping but many of our chinese who go to polys speak mandarin which is why they enjoyed the mandarin renditions better than the other songs while the jc ppl who did bmt in the jan batch and april batch are more in sync with the current english songs.

but i have to say that i LOVE the costumes i designed because it did look very good onstage. almost exactly how i would have imagined it to be. the colours just popped because of the vibrance of the hot pinks and yellows. as matthew (our fab mc) announced, it was the KABAM!! to end of the wonderful evening.

anyway im off to work AGAIN!! another day of tekong and hopefully the crowd will be more responsive to the songs tonite. but its always a two way thing so i guess we need to be prepared to send aa ball of energy into the audience as i was taught in drama in jc. HAHAHA!! so cyall bitches((:

2009-08-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

tmr is the start of tekong week. im kinda feeling ambivalent about it. happy that i get to spend time with my friends but trust me, its super energy draining. but i love my job i really do. HAHAA!! today was the last night of the THAI pastors' visit to singapore. to cut the long story short, i went to thailand for a mission trip with my family and our friends and the host pastors were really nice and this time it was our turn to show our kindness. they were flown in from thailand for a christian conference and at the same time they just took in some sights of singapore. it was a good time seeing how dedicated they are in their service to thailand and that they are so devoted to the progress of udon thani as well as the people's walk with GOD!!

on my own side, ive decided to take a step, a very very small step in my christian walk. ive been listening to christian songs on my ipod a little more often and i really try to digest the words and understand clearly what they mean so that my worship to God can be genuine and full of meaning.

today was also covenant's 31st anniversary and it was quite good i would have to say. the start was a little shaky and showy but as it moved on, i really felt that God's presence was really in the place today. u cld feel lives being touched by the testimonies that were given by various ppl. i think that the person that really struck a cord in most of the people would have to be benny prasad. his name sounded really familiar but that really didnt matter becos when he told his life story, i felt my tearing hahaha but i didnt cry. i know how it feels sometimes when people view u as useless but his determination and passionate love for God was really an inspiration to the success story that he is today. anyway im so glad this week has gone by although its been stressful. anyway i just thank God for bringing me through this week. sighhhhh the start of another week tmr. take care all((:

2009-08-24T06:24:00.000-07:00

i have finally got a chance to blog after the long week that i had last week. i can safely say i worked 7 days last week (which obviously means i worked everyday of the week) i know right. whoever said army was slack. gosh. like hello its not like ive JUST been doing wardrobe. i do a 4 men job. i love my job but sometimes MC just pisses the SHIT OUT OF ME!! fortunately, out of this busy week was an awesome time spent with friends i feel close to. last fri was lynn's bday celebration and i feel it was quite successful. haha. i love LYNN esp when we start having these LONG CONVOS that are ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!! haah. then it was off to meet mg, june, grace, ashley and friend, and steph. its always wonderful to meet up and catch up and so far i think my weekly meetings with wg (and sometimes june and justin) are gg great and i hope it stays tt way. anyway after the dinner, i met lynn (again) and ashrul (+joanna+trev becos i didnt know they were coming. hahahaha.) and we went to watch THE PROPOSAL!!!!!!!!

this leads me to my next section where i analyze the movie. haha. the movie was definitely great esp since im a sucker for such romance movies plus the fact that it had great comedy in it. i was kinda disappointed that the newspaper reviews werent very good but im guessing the 2.5/5 rating by life was becos the plot was a bit thin. its not really a thinking movie becos the storyline is very predictable and in your face. the performance of ryan reynold and sandra bullock werent exactly their best too (but the BOOOOOOOOOOOOOY was HAWT!! hahahaha.) i wld personally give it a 4/5. i was laughing quite hard and so was ashrul and the rest of the theatre. maybe the reporter watching it didnt really have a sense of humour. hmmmmmm. o well.

anyway this week has been all about sourcing costumes and i definitely learned a lot about sourcing. its quite fun actually but i had to learn to be really thick skin esp when i was sourcing alone because when i walk into a FEMALE shop, many people ask me qns about what im buying and whether i need help. i dont really like the spotlight on me when i shop. it kinda makes me feel rather uncomfortable but some of the sales people offer good service which is good for singapore's retail.

o and i just watched MISS UNIVERSE 2009. congrats to the gorgeous ms venezuela (although i do feel that this whole competition was just filled with ang moh bitches not tt i dont like them.) i think it would be better if there was a wider range of continents in the competition. this yr had NO ASIANS in the top 15 and the top 5 answering the question session was not exactly an intelligent moment. sigh. but i do think the winner deserves her crown so CONGRATS!! may her one yr reign be filled with what I WANT (clothes, shoes, jewels, travelling around the world, a gorgeous apartment and not to forget THE CROWN!!)

just a random comment. ive been basically studying my fashion so i keep up to date witht he latest trends and what not. i have been visiting some blogs and i gotta say that a few websites are WORTH VISITING.

1. http://www.fashionologie.com/ (a very twitter kind of website that post snippets of impt fashion news.)

2. http://stylebubble.typepad.com/ (a fashion blogger with a really quirky sense of style that i ADORE!! she can turn any piece of clothing into something fashionable.)

3. http://bryanboy.typepad.com/ (bryanboy. whats not to love about this fabulously flamboyant fashion blogger.)

4. http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/ (scott schuman produces such beautiful fashion pictures of the ordinary folks. kinda inspires me.)

5. http://coacd.blogspot.com/ (a blog that informs people of the newest models in town. i still have SOME reservations about how diverse this blog is in terms of it spotting the up and coming models of all agencies. but it works for me... for now.)

2009-08-16T01:12:00.000-07:00

busy busy busy that is all i can say for the whole week that has passed and the coming weeks. pressure to do a good job of the tasks that have been given to me and i dont want to disappoint my artistic managers in the end. they are good bosses unlike MC but whatever. haha.

sometimes i really really want something but its never easy to get what i always want and my patience is running out. some people tell me that all good things are worth the wait but sometimes i dunno if what i want is worth the wait. sigh. why cant life be simpler instead of the complicated messes that it likes to get us in. well i guess you can only take a step a day.

as for now. im just a lonely one man show.

2009-08-13T05:39:00.000-07:00

ok so i finally have the energy to blog again because ive either been gg out to send friends off by having farewell dinners with them, go on a job or go for the most fantastic concert EVA!! LADY GAGA was here in singapore last night. it was my very first concert and the experience i felt would be great if i shared it with lady gaga (not that she actually knows that i exist). anyway, it started off not so well because she was 1 hr and 15 min late. i suspect it was due to the fact that there were technical difficulties. the crowd was definitely getting restless and to be very honest, i was kind of frustrated myself. but when she came on.... woooooooo... damn did she give a FANTASTIC performance. the crowd was a very receptive one with many people singing and dancing to her great tunes. in her usual outrageously gor-jus outfits, she pranced and sang to 8 out of her 12 songs on her current album (which also happens to be her only album but im sure there gna be more.) her stage presence was just so strong that her 4 dancers, the band and her were sufficient enough to give a mind blowing performance. and just in case any of u cynics think she can't sing think again. her live performance was not pitchy and her acoustic rendition of POKER FACE was SO GOOD (esp since my favourite part of the concert was when she sang tt song.)

anyway these are just a few pics i took. im trying to upload it to fb asap.

2009-08-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

omg ytd's picnic was quite a success. haha. JAYNE has to take all the credit for planning it although there were a few hiccups. but i have to say that it was quite nice hanging with ppl we havent seen in such a long time. haha. surprisingly i thought i wld be hanging with prince a lot. but noooo... i spent time with the other ppl i havent met in a LONG LONG TIME!! haha. oo and edlyn's mashed potato dish was DELLLLLLLLLLISH but so were the rest la just tt hers was the best. haha. after that we went to macs for dinner which was not bad also becos more ppl turned up and i got to see more ppl. haha. im just glad that even after a long time, ppl coming tgt from this grp of frens still can gel so well tgt. i guess its because of the many many hrs we spent tgt slogging, slaving and suffering. of course it wasnt just all work and no fun. i had loads of fun with these ppl and i wish all those who are flying overseas well esp to dharsh and jo who are flying off very very soon. anyway love them bitches. haha

then i went to ion to meet lynn and ashrul, my mdc friends. i think i really formed a bond with them although i dno if they feel the same way la. but i think that they are my closer friends in mdc because the are very caring ppl and very real ppl. they arent artificial and i guess there must have also been a connection and chemistry when we met to have formed such a friendship. too bad ashrul is leaving soon. anyway we went to watch the hangover till 315AM!! it was my first time ever watching such a late night movie but it was quite a fun experience although not so much for my wallet. haha. ithink the hangover was hilarious but what it really lacked was depth. the jokes were very hurhurhur kinda jokes which didnt make the movie as awesome and i would give it a 3/5, an in the middle score because i loved how hilarious it was but wasnt too keen on the storyline.

2009-08-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

this is my favourite model. well he has been in the fashion scene for some time judging by the number of high profile campaigns but i just discovered him today.

Baptiste Giabiconi

2009-08-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

well its been kinda busy lately. this week is especially busy because of the many national related things needed to be done. GOSH!! first there is the national day observance ceremony which to tell u the truth, i have much confidence that it will be awesome. haha. tts on fri and the full dress is thurs afternoon. then there is the national day parade itself where mdc anchors the very first segment of the main show. i also have full confidence that that will go well too. im just so tired sometimes but i have to say that i do sincerely LOVE MY JOB!!

well its on to the tailors tmr after work all the way at BEDOK like HELLO!! west to east is VERY VERY FAR!! but o well i have to work on my new project quickly or the artistes will have to go onstage naked with no costumes to where not that it is completely a bad thing. haha. omg im such a skank. haha. i just cant wait for this week to be OVER!! then its a huge load off.

anyway i had a great time with june, justin and wg tonight. all good and all is well. xoxo.

2009-07-31T21:17:00.000-07:00

goodness my life i realized is so mundane. i wake up, go to work, maybe go out for a meal with frens after work, go home, sleep and the whole cycle just continues repeating itself. that kinda suck. BLEAH!

NATIONAL DAY again later. gosh im kinda tired. haha.

omg and im so undecided about my future. as in i WANT to go into fashion. that is definite. but i dont know where to go, how to apply, how to get money if i want to go somewhere other than the options given to me. and the most important qn: AM I EVEN GOOD ENOUGH TO BE IN THE FASHION INDUSTRY?? i love fashion to be a fashion designer takes so much more than just loving fashion. the skills involved are countless and if u suck, u wont even be looked at. ugh. that thought just scares me. so many ppl tell me to do fashion and i keep announcing it but what if i dun become it. will i become a mockery?? bleah. anyway i just hope that when the time comes, i'll be ready.

these were random thoughts that just came into my mind.

2009-07-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

i realized that people have actually been reading my blog which makes me kinda happy that im not writing in a dead blog but then again im just writing in this blog for myself.

i just went out with wg, june and justin for dinner. its always great to see my frens and the fact tt we've made it a weekly affair makes it special. i dno but wg seemed kinda pissed and june has something gg on for her. GURL I HOPE U'RE FINE!! we went to this jap restaurant which wasnt like great or anything it was OK. and then we went to udders for ice cream. frankly, i feel that andersen's is better because of the quality of their ice creams but i definitely love the fact that ice cream shops like island creamery and udders are always improving themselves by taking in suggestions by customers. haha.

oo and today was an important vetting for the NDOC'09. it went quite well and overall the day didnt go badly just a little tired and kinda ambivalent about gg to work tmr because i love my job but i wish i cld just sleep in. hahaha. however, something that has been secretly bugging me is the upcoming roadshow item boom boom pow. im glad like ive gotten yet another opportunity to explore my creative side but im just freaking scared that i cant get the costumes done in time and tt it wldnt turn out nice at all. and this feeling of fear just makes me bite my fingernails (that was just a figure of speech by the way.) i just really hope that God will guide me in the correct way to take things. plus i also have to build good rapports with the tailors and my bosses (some reasonable and some just pure shitheads) but o well.

2009-07-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

i need to get rid of those large black eye rings and get some contacts. ugh!

2009-07-27T08:40:00.001-07:00

i was thinking of getting this hairstyle (or at least something to this effect). what do you think.

2009-07-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

150 posts and counting.

hmmm since im SO bored i decided i would come out with the top 10 things i want to fulfill by the end of ns. HAHA!!((:

1. Dress making and making fashion accessories (start on it and learn how to create beautiful clothes and other products((:)
2. Cook delicious food (because i would have started learning.)
3. Have a successful blogshop (parasol circus)
4. Find LOVE (as in tt special someone)
5. Get better at designing clothes and other fashion related accessories.
6. Get my christian life back in order (ie start a routine QT, attend a CG etc.)
7. Photography (just to learn some basic skills, more of an interest)
8. Learn photoshop (i can finally creat something. lol.)
9. Learn to work and adapt to changes and people (no matter how ANNOYING)
10. Complete my portfolio for fashion sch by 2011((:

2009-07-26T00:37:00.000-07:00

gosh. it already nearing the end of july and i realized that i havent really started getting my life in order because really, working is NOT the most fun thing to do and i do just wna slack and enjoy after a hard day's work but i need to start learning the relevant skills soon!!

so i have decided to make a list of all the things (the top 10 most important things) i must accomplish within my time in NS:
1. Find and start learning dress-making from a sch/tailor etc.
2. Invest some time in the blogshop (parasol circus) now that i have decided to commit to it.
3. Learn French (A language important in fashion i feel).
4. Practice my drawing skills (to improve in my fashion drawings which dont look very appealing now).
5. Start my portfolio (for design sch).
6. Continue to widen my knowledge of fashion (reading magazines/books/websites etc.).
7. Learn to cook (meals more than just instant noodles or frying an egg).
8. Learn to adapt to the different working styles and personalities of people (important skill especially when you are forced to work with the most annoying),
9. Get my DRIVING LICENSE (especially crucial and alarming since i failed my FTT twice and the pdf only last till october.).
10. Learn photoshop (which i have put off since like 2 yrs ago. HAHAH!!)

this is rather ambitious but i have to try to do what i set out to do if not i can just forget about a successful career. goshhhh.

2009-07-19T02:37:00.000-07:00

national day rehearsals may have its ups and downs. ytd was a downer because of people who werent very bright. MC to be exact. ive never seen someone who has such a lack of initiative. its a really long story (which if you wna find out just buzz me) but id rather not expand on it on this blog because its so long winded.

however on a happier note, i feel that this yr's national is probably a notch above the past ndps. i feel that the segments lined up are a little more funky not to exclude the fact that electrico is fronting the national day song this yr. ive heard mixed reviews about it but i personally its a good effort to include the youth in an event that has become more cliche over the yrs. being 19, ive watched at least 10 national days. its the same thing every yr, the routine parade and then some colourful performance (like OK seen that alr). this yr however, the concepts are more interesting and i think many people will enjoy the show. haha. of course the ndp showcase can improve, thats what progress is for isnt it.

anyway, heres the link to electrico's mv for the national day theme song.
http://www.ndp.org.sg/themevideo.php

2009-07-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

i am super crazy about this song now. i LOVE the fact the leighton meester (my personal favourite gossip girl actress who plays the fabulous BLAIR WALDORF) is featured in this song. and the band cobra starship seem like a pretty cool band. boy did our girl from gossip girl rock it. xoxo u know u love me.

2009-07-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

omg you've all gotta hear this girl - vv brown. shes kinda unknown to me and probably to yall. i just visited one of the usual blogs i go to daily. anyway i love the fact that she has such a powerful voice, with a fabulous fashion sense and a great mv that is simple but classic helps too. haha.

2009-07-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

gosh im so bored on this wednesday night. here i am just sitting in front of the computer and rambling on about how sucky my life is. to tell u the truth, i kinda miss jc. even if it was stressful with work its still more fun than army. ive got friends no doubt but im not tight with most of them. not like jc. i want to go shopping because i really want new clothes!! notice how i didnt use the word need. haha. ive come to realize that material things matter to me but not as much as when i was in jc. ive come to realize that i treasure spending more time with my friends because the time i have with them is so limited. something i took for granted when i was in school because i used to see them everyday. now its like almost stepping into the real world. we have different lives and definitely different schedules so its hard to just meet up on impulse. sigh. this is why i miss jc. furthermore, i havent seen some friends in a really long time like frances maria and dharshinisizzles. hahaha. i miss their outburst and LOUD personalities. im kinda glad i have jayne, kester, wang guan, javier, my clique, johanna, rachel to really just go out when i need a breath of freedom which army really isnt giving me right now.
see. im just rambling from one pt to another. my life really has no particular direction. ive made so many plans, ambitious ones but i just dont know how to go about starting. i dont have the resources and enough time to pursue what is impt now and so i just continue on in this mundane routine tt i have everyday where i go to work, come home, go online then sleep and do the same thing the next day. in mdc everyone just wants SOMETHING from u. the bosses just want results results results and they want it immediately. sometimes i just feel like a robot doing what others want and not what I WANT! gosh. how unproductive my life is right now.

2009-07-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

finally im well enough to actually blog. i suspect i got the h1n1 virus but it cant be confirmed since the doc just said there was a high chance but im so glad the whole thing is over. the sickness was kinda unbearable. my temperature at one pt rose to 39.2degrees. i was like walking in a daze because my temp was high and my head hurt so bad. every night was spent wrapped in blankets, coughing my lungs out like a crazy bitch. hahaha. i was kinda pissed that i cldnt go to anna's hse to spend time with wg, june, justin and obviously ANNA who will be leaving in 2 days time. sighhhhh.i just hate it everytime a good friend leaves. first it was charlotte, then joahanna, then now anna. everyone has been leaving one by one and sometimes i tell myself i cant just totally depend on just this bunch of jc friends but they have become my security blanket. sigh. independence is still key. i have a lot of growing up to do... obviously. but i do love being young, esp the youngest since im spoilt rotten by my lovely mdc seniors. HAHAHA!! i love them. going back to work was surprisingly not too tough and i managed today without any hiccups so tts fine. i just hope this week will pass uneventful or at best with good things happening. bad things would just kill me.

i must say: I WILL MISS ANNA WANG!

2009-07-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

today marked the end of the treacherous 2 days i had in the wardrobe department. phew. not tt i get to slack now because since when does the slave ever get a time off. anyway i have to complain. gosh. i know it has passed but it was a horrible experience. last fri, my artistic director told me and MC tt we had to sew on stuff onto a t shirt (but it seems MC knew of it 2 weeks plus ago). so i was like ok and didnt really think much of it since we had to get out of company to do purchasing but i told her to bring it on saturday during ndp rehearsal so we wldnt have to rush and she was gg back to office. it was a good suggestion i felt but... NO she didnt listen and said we wld just do it on monday (slack bitch). come monday, we rushed out 3 tshirts but we had 7 to do so we each took back 2. tt wld be ok if she didnt make it a pt to go to the tailor THAT NIGHT and the tailor's was at BEDOK (which was a one and a half hr ride from home). in the end i stayed up till 130AM because i cldnt take it and i went to sleep and woke up at 530 am to continue. in the end there was NO VETTING tt day and she didnt even apologize for her inefficiency and inconsiderate attitude. gosh. but today, i got to rest a little, do more admin work which is MORE relaxing.
o and i met wg, my very very very good friend. haha. we had dinner at upp thomson, the five star chicken rice shop then went to have strudel. YUMMY. and of course we talked which is always a good thing becos frankly, i trust WG more than many other ppl. DUH!! haha. tmr shld be a little busy but not as bad but i just realized i need to shop real badly. ive not done it in a month. sigh. haha.

2009-07-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

ok first of all we'll start with saturday. gosh WHAT a busy day. i went this christian thing (not willingly) because i dont really see the need for this thing which i cant really say outloud because its kinda personal and then i went to frederick lee's shop around arab st. like hello if my parents didnt fetch me tt damn (lets give a code name MC) would have probably expected me to take like the MRT!! hello earth to MC, the bag weighed a tonne!! after this small episode, i rushed down to marina square, which has a maze-like carpark and then i went to meet the MDC ppl for rehearsal for national day. im was kinda sad and i still am because like i love to watch the national day parades but this yr i have to do backstage work which is kinda shitty.

i have to say that this yr's national day will be quite nice, at least for the segment that mdc is anchoring. it really evokes a sense of the classic fused with contemporary elements. and the costume are quite stunning visually although it does step on a thin line leaning towards the getai look. but anyway i thought the performance was quite cool. haha.

after tt i went to jeremy's party for about an hr because firstly i was damn tired, secondly i was not in the mood to party, thirdly the security guard stopped the music because ppl were complaining. so i hope jeremy had a fab party before tt because i was only there at 10pm.

today was youth sunday at bp cefc. it was good i would have to say, the ushers did a good job although their antics were kinda scary since they lined up in a row and shouted: WELCOME!! haha. i loved the worship because it was appropriate and the dance was quite good too. but i think joshua was the main highlight with his song. he sang well and he did have some stage presence. the message given by matthew was also well thought and it did sink in to me because i feel its so relevant and im sure many christians can associate with the message. meeting ezra, tim koh and the other youths were also part of the package tt made today's sunday service so AWESOME!! then there was the house-warming party i went for just opp my hse. haha. our church friends just moved into the new condo opp my hse and i was quite happy they invited all the familiar ppl. i had a great time just mingling and spending time with my close friends. we sort of grew up tgt. like from the start of our teens all the way till now. haha. so today's been a good day. i just pray that tmr wont be too stressful because ive got some major sewing to do and mayb ive to work overtime. but everytime such horrid stuff come my way, i think of the positive, which in this case happens to be the fact that i can expose myself to the design and tailoring part of singapore. this will definitely be useful in the future. anyway gotta sleep now. i got a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGG day tmr. ((:

2009-07-02T07:21:00.000-07:00

today was a really sssssssssssslooooooooooowwwwww day. i did a lot of admin work and i had a rather nice time just bonding with my friends in mdc. this is such a difference from the first day of work when i was so shy and i didnt even interact with anyone. every person there is so unique so i really love them all. hahaha.
o and i had dinner with WG which is always great because we just can talk non-stop about the most random stuff and we always have a good time at the end of the day. i'll so miss him when he goes to canada.
o and btw im still in a cold war with those horrid parents of mine. but life still goes on.

2009-07-01T06:12:00.000-07:00

recently theres been a huge war with the parents. i really share a love hate relationship with my parents. i wouldnt exactly say i hate them but i cant say i LOVE them either. i dislike my father quite a lot. in recent yrs we've somehow or rather tried to be civil and even start talking bout stuff at some pt. but what he did not too long ago destroyed it. he uses control to punish me. he put passwords on all the computers at home and when he gets angry, he changes them so i dont get access. firstly, tt is very very immature of an adult and at the same time, there has been a huge amount of disrespect thrown in my face. im 19 yrs old alr not some 5 yr old who can be punished this way. its kinda humiliating for me to be controlled at such a big age. furthermore, he whacked my leg when i refused to budge to his commands. inflicting violence is so last century. not only did he anger me, he alr left an emotional scar tt kinda destroyed everything tt was built recently. my mother is also another pain. she loves to create drama, making mountains out of a molehill and in the end getting me into trouble. if u hear what she was screaming at me for, u wld probably laugh. to cut the long story short, my parents really love to create trouble for me. sometimes i feel kinda miserable living in this hse, which is why im glad im an extrovert because my ability to make friends allows me to stay away from home as much as possible. i cldnt bear living in the same place as them 24hrs straight.

talking about gg out with friends, i recently went to watch TRANSFORMERS 2. for someone like me, a person who isnt exactly someone who loves action films, the movie was surprisingly cool and it really made my heart beat faster. it was the whole action and fight scenes that kept my adrenaline pumping. who knew that a show involving various robots, a geeky hero and his fabulously hot gf would be so interesting. i was really impressed with the way the robots looked. they were so realistic it kinda makes it hard to believe that they are actually created using technology when it alr feels as if they actually exist on Earth. haha. anyway, i would give it a 4/5 and ppl should really go watch it, not tt no one is not watching it since it broke quite a few movie records.

anyway, i hope things get better.

2009-06-29T06:04:00.000-07:00

ive decided that maybe i should keep a regular update of my blog. not really for the eyes of the public (anyway most ppl arent tt interested in my life or blog) but its more to like account to myself the days gg ons. sort of a reflection. haha.

anyway today i went to little india with an mdc alumni called heath. i found out hes an SJI boy too. haha. hes a really really nice 'senior' who is patient enough to teach me the many things about cloth and design etc and he even shared about his schooling which was cool. haha. it was quite a learning experience just gg to little india and roam the streets looking for nice outfits at a reasonable price. furthermore, i also love indians for their use of colour and jewelry to make their outfits look so regal and ostentatious. as a budding designer, i really enjoy fusing such elements into my work because its all about making the person who wears the design feel good about the clothes they wear.

and ive been doing my fashion studying recently and ive got to say that my 3 favourite brands are dolce and gabbana, christian dior and marc jacobs. their use of colour and fantastic choice of fabric just leaves me speechless. obviously, my favourite designer would be d&g, john galliano and marc jacobs. john galliano is a brilliant designer but sometimes i am not able to fully appreciate his designs for his own line. his designs for dior on the other hand... GORGEOUS!!

such random ramblings. ive been thinking a lot recently about my faith. i feel that obviously ive not been tt close to God anymore because ive been more materially attached. but at the same time, i enjoy my life but i guess that maybe i should put in the effort to just spend a few minutes with God each morning and just grow closer to him. people will probably go 'christian freak' but i dont feel that way. of course i feel that some christians just overdo it with all their "god doesnt like this because..." or "you are going to hell because...." but just reading the bible for a few minutes and praying each day isnt crazy. i think its reasonable and probably good. haha. anyway we'll see how that goes.

well i have to go do research for mdc now. or else... haha.

2009-06-28T06:07:00.000-07:00

i just listened to this singer that my friend from the uk introduced. gosh shes good. love her voice and her mv is so cool. i love her sense of style just like how i LOVE lady gaga's unique sense of style.

2009-06-27T06:34:00.000-07:00

ambivalence. the kind of feeling i would describe the emotions that i have towards my job in the saf.
its been about 6mths since ive been serving the nation and i have to say that God has indeed blessed me abundantly with the friends that ive made and the many times he has gotten me out of trouble. but one thing is for certain. he wants me to face the harshness of reality, probably to get a slice of it if it isnt the entire onslaught of horror i'll face when im in the working world.

ive been happy enough in mdc with the job that i have. i get to live in the world of clothes although not exactly fashion, but its still material. ive also been recently an understudy to an alumni of mdc called heath. hes settling the costumes for ndoc 09 and i think so far from the materials he picked for the first iten, it look kinda good. i love the fact that hes a great mentor and he actually bothers teaching me something.

on the other hand, the downside of my job stems from the fact that im the 'new boy' which isnt really the case anymore but shit still happens. i'll be honest but i feel kinda shitty just gg for shows and LOOKING AFTER THE BAGS!! like hello. i was hired not to be a friggin maid. i want to go out and look at whats gg onstage. to appreciate the costumes. furthermore, there have been many occurances of my bosses giving me last minute work or last minute news. i esp hate it that they assume that i do not have a life outside mdc. they pile work on top of me over the weekend, which i cannot claim time off for but i dont even fight back. its kinda unfair to me if u look at it from my perspective. i understand their side of the story that they have clients to account to but hello im not a friggin robot. im a human being and human beings get sick too. i fell sick recently and when i returned to work (not fully recovered), the slave job was once again bestowed on me and as a result i fell sick again. i guess they cant really understand that returning back to work after taking a 2 day MC does not equate to the person having fully recuperated. whatever seriously but one day when i finally get so sick that i need to go to the hospital will they then understand the severity of giving a person time to breathe and take it easy.

well enough unhappiness for now.

recently ANNA WANG has returned from australia onto the the sunny island of singapore. we met for dinner and it was as if she never really left. true im not her best fren or anything but it sure is great to see a gd fren esp since many of them are leaving overseas to study, some not returning forever. blah. other than anna ive also been gg out quite a bit to meet up with friends and catch which is a good thing becos we should always keep in touch with the ones we love while breaking new boundaries to get to know new people. thats just the extroverted side of me speaking.

anyway i just hope that the coming weeks or should i say with a further perspective, the coming month, that things will look up for me and that i will take all the good and THE BAD in my stride and give glory to God giving me a life for me to journey in, find out more about myself each day and gain a world of knowledge.

2009-04-03T04:36:00.000-07:00

well its been a long week. sort of. at work. im getting more used to the environment around me and ppl are indeed very nice becos ive made more friends (THANK GOD!!) and its a very comfortable setting to be in becos firstly this is what im used to do doing and secondly ppl in mdc are all dramatic. haha. my kind. haha.

well today something sorta bad happened but i cant really disclose it in case someone from mdc reads this but all im asking the person to do is to make sure he does what is right and nothing will happen to him. its as simple as tt. im got some designing work to do but at least tts fun and my madam is kinda nice although a little naggy. ive been learning new stuff but i guess all this business is taking a toll on my energy. I AM SO FRIGGIN TIRED!! as i type this i just feel like my hands are freely moving on the keyboard and im just rambling on and on about my boring life. haha.

o ya and ytd was my outing with WG and june. wooooooooo boy didnt i realize how much i miss them. it was so great to just catch, make interesting discoveries (HAHA) and just have a good time. the thing is we're all so close that we're always able to find something to talk about whether the topics are actually linked is another story. haha. now we've sorta come out with a scheme to meet every monday so tt we can like catch up and not miss one another so much. too bad anna is overseas and connie is no where to be found. haha. it would be great to hang out with them too. and tt stupid dumb dog who i havent seen in ages but hes prolly forgotten me as a fren becos now he hangs out with the bowlers (*roll my eyes* HAHA!!) and his new found army frens and also becos hes like a stay in soldier. HAHAHAHAHAH!!

i think God has just really blessed me throughout army, putting me through different difficulties to teach me about life but always ensuring tt i come out unscathe. so tts God for u, very unique in his own way. ugh i really feel like sleeping so as for now, i <3 yall out there and i'll c yall soon. xoxo.

2009-03-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

srsly, im not the nicest person but i am NICE!! haha. i guess ive been thinking a lot about ppl in my life. haha. like i treasure ppl more than i used to becos i realize how much time is spent on work and its so tiring after work i just wanna go home and SLEEP!!

it seems that the vehicle techs from my platoon aent having the best time esp paul. i really hope tt things start looking up for him. and i just feel a little sad writing this becos the sentimental bug is totally making me miss my platoon. well im not the most popular person, nor did i form strong friendships with everyone but im glad to say tt i did form an attachment with the platoon. just hearing ppl from my platoon having such horrid jobs now make me feel a little sad. tt isnt to say tt i am having a great time becos srsly, this is like the lowest time of like my life. sort of. its great tt im learning a lot of things being in wardrobe in MDC and ppl there are nice (or so they seem) but its been very hard for me to make frens not becos im like a loser but its just tt i dun have many avenues to interact since im in the wardrobe room everyday with my boss, the costumes and my ipod. it makes me kinda sad becos i do think i'll go crazy without a stable grp of frens in mdc. ive always had a close grp of frens everywhere i go. i guess God is teaching me to be a more independant person, like to be able to sit by myself or something without being so conscious of my surroundings. i do hope tt things will start looking up for everyone and we really have to just grit our teeth and finish the duty tt has been placed on us.

anyway as i always say: LOVE YALL BITCHES!!((:

2009-03-23T06:07:00.000-07:00

well today was my first day in MDC. most of yall know what tt means so i'll spare yall the whole explanation of what it is. well im kind of having an ambivalent feeling. on one hand, i love my platoon. leopard platoon 3 to be exact. most of them are tgt as vehicle technicians which is kinda shitty but at least they're tgt and they'll definitely have fun tgt. on the other hand mdc rocks becos i feel comfortable in something familiar, the ppl r kinda nice and i love clothes, which is the main reason why i am there instead of a veh tech. haha.
today was a little sucky becos i had to start work even BEFORE i reported to my superior. how retarded is tt. to top tt, the room is dusty and messy and i had to stock take almost the whole day. THANK GOD FOR ORIENTATION!! haha. i stopped work at bout 230. haha. anyway, the costumes are kinda old and disgusting but i really like the range of costumes they have. and the organization skills to manage every single piece of costume is very precise which is what i love about the job. everything is done. although the stock check part sucks. haha. im kinda looking forward to brighter days ahead but i really fear tt i might be a loner hanging around the wardrobe room all by myself. ppl there seem nice enuf though. i really miss my peeps for BMT but life definitely has to go on. i definitely hope they are having the time of their lives in ayer rajah. and to nicholas, we all love u STAY IN CLERK!! hahaha.
enough said, im just thankful i got a good job i guess and i really want to do my best for the costume department. tmr i will attempt to clean the horrendously untidy place. ugh. haha.

2009-03-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

tmr is the start of a new day. its gna be the first day at work. WOOTS!! MDC!!

2009-01-20T19:18:00.001-08:00

just one more week to the dreaded place. but still the irony of the whole situation is that i am trying to keep myself positive for what is to come. well theres been lots gg on, partying, having dinners and gatherings, just spending time with people becos come 28th jan, this will have to be put on hold.
actually i kinda view army in 2 different ways. its a new milestone definitely when many people tell u its where u go in as a boy and come out a man. its kinda cliche but i guess there is something to that statement. tts why im kinda excited. this unpredictability of the whole situation leaves me a little excited about what is to come. but yet there is this other side of me that loathes the new 'LIFE' im gg to have. it will be regimental and degrading with people shouting at your face for the most unreasonable things. and what if the whole exciting unpredictable future u have in mind flops and it becomes a whole horrible situation that just goes tumbling down. haiz i just have to pray really hard that things will be ok at least and tt God will put me with some people who arent bad influences or bullies(which im most afraid of btw). ah i guess its all in his hands.
well although this crap weighs on my mind, there is a certain event tt is gg to be at least joyful. CNY!! well the most fun part about it is the red thingys also known as ang baos and wearing nice clothes. haha. i hope the 2 days tt i have of CNY will be spent wisely as well as having a super time. as for now i gtg have somemore farewell outings:)

2009-01-12T20:03:00.000-08:00

omg so i watched the first episode of gossip girls for 2009 and it is already awesome. kinda cliche with things being a little milder but at the same time, there are so many scandals which are about to unfold. i totally cannot wait to watch the following episodes. AHHHH! hahahaha.

2009-01-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

well after gossip girls, project runway and antm ended their run, me having watched everything, i was dying to watch a reality series and i stumbled upon this programme called big brother. i watched the latest season and boy was it great show. haha.

basically, a bunch of strangers come together and they live in this house, tt is actually a set. they are not allowed to see the outside world till they get eliminated. so every 3 episodes, someone gets kicked out of the house. just let me break it down for you.
episode1: every first episode of the 3 episode cycle, a Head of Household gets elected. its like the best position because u get to nominate 2 people to be eliminated and no one can vote you. but of course you have to choose carefully because the HOH changes every cycle.
episode 2: the nominess for eviction, the HOH and 2 other members of the house get to play in what they call a veto competition where the nominees can try and save their ass and a renomination has to occur.
episode 3: everyone votes one of the 2 nominees out.

ok so basically this show is full of drama, bitching etcetc. its hilarious!! and dan, the winner was one super fab player. haha. he was almost kicked out after he made a wrong alliance in the vry first episode and subsequently he was targetted but he always managed to escape and in the end he was the winner. is tt awesome or what. he really played his cards well. but im glad gossip girls is back!! woohoo!! haha.

2009-01-08T06:09:00.000-08:00

well a sad and breaking news has reined down on me. my uncle brian was a fantastic man. he wasnt perfect but he always knew wat to do. he was a kind man who knew when to b firm but at the same time was able to show such gentleness. he was always good with children and his passion for his garden in the backyard intrigued me as a little child. he managed to raise three beautiful daughters who are people of good character and have stayed true to the Lord. i will always rmb how he taught me to say pardon instead of the singaporean way of going "huh?" haha. but i guess he has gone to a better place where God tells him well done my child, you have done well. all in all, i hope that his family is able to take this sad event well and that hopefully, they will be able to move on with their lives and live fully for their husband, father, grandfather, whoever uncle brian was to the family. i send my deepest condolences to te nesbitt family and i hope they are doing fine.

2009-01-04T19:56:00.000-08:00

well so the party season is coming to an end but yet another season arrives. i just LOVE holidays. chinese new yr. a chinese customary event where people dress up, visit relatives, grow fat and have loads of fun. frankly i quite like chinese new yr, mainly becos of all the red packets (ang baos) i get haha. but also i get to visit relatives tt i dont really see often. well i hope it'll be fun this yr becos on the 3rd day of cny, guess which poor soul has to get enlisted... ME! bleah. it kinda sucks but i guess im half excited half scared about it.
basically im scared of the regimantalized system they have there and the many vices that is present but at the same time it pushes me out of my comfort zone and i get to meet new ppl, of whom i hope r super nice becos it wld suck to be in a platoon where everyone is mean or BORING!! haha. its probably like scouts, bt 10 times worse. all in all, im just nervous becos i dun noe wat to expect. various fathers keep tellingme bout their experiences and what to expect but hello, it was like 20 plus yrs since theyve been in the army. it probably has changed quite significantly. my father always thinks tt i have to listen to him and his frens becos theyve experienced it but somehow i trust those tt r just a little older than me becos they probably have gone through the same things i will be gg through. BLEAH!! but all in all, i hope army will be fun (well it can possibly be tt fun but what i hope is to get a gd experience from these 2 yrs.)
well tonite im gna like see my sec 4 classmates one last time before they go into the army. most of them r like gg in on the 8th/9th of jan. some april so like im in the middle. wateva. haha. anyway i hope the outing will be successful!!:))

2008-12-23T02:29:00.000-08:00

omg as u can tell i obviously have not been on my blog for about a thousand yrs becos yes i have a social life and ive been out most of the time. if not im on fb making new frens and expanding my network. haha.

basically a levels sucked this yr because they decided that since last yrs paper was too easy, this yr make it very difficult. the thing is the qns i had were all very vague. tsd, lit paper 4 and econs all had vague qns tt were so retarded. omg. i noe they are trying to kill us but hello not in this way. anyway ive gotten over it so its time to move on and anw i wna do fashion design not some lame as course/subjects tt wun help me to rule the fashion world next time. haha.

well so its been gg out a lot with frens and having catch up sessions tt we always say will happen but it never does during the school term because everyone is just too busy to hang out. but wateva. im gg to meet all my frens before i head into the world of ugh army on the 28th of january. tt sucks like crap. ugh. and i went to thailand for a mission trip and shopping adventure 2weeks after my a's. i was so close to staying in singapore but luckily those damn rioters got out of the airport. boy were they making things hard for themselves and the rest of the world who wanted to enter thailand but cldnt because of their irresponsible behaviour.

the mission trip was really an eye opener. it was a different experience from the trip tt i went for wen i was sec 2. being older, ive learn to appreciate more things and look at perspectives from various angles so that im able to fully appreciate and take in the experience. the people of udon thani (northeast thailand) are really friendly. their lifestyles are immensely simple and they lead very happy lives unlike most of us in singapore who whine about everything and cant seem to appreciate the simpler things in life (me included). when i was returning home from bangkok, it was this incident tt made me realize how spoilt we are. there was a delay in the flight back to Singapore becos of some toilet problems in the aeroplane and this family had a few children but i'll zero in on the 2 daughters. the older one had a deep voice and she was whining about how time is money etcetc and tt she wants to go home. soon the younger one followed suit and whined and groaned about the situation which was not even tt bad, its just waiting and it was a night flight so wat the heck can u do when u reach home. go clubbing?? i was so pissed at these 2 girls and i was commenting about them to my mother and her other friends. i think they heard me talking about how spoilt they are but i dont really care because actually, it would be better if they heard it. spoilt brats. haha. i even hope they stumble across this blog to read about themselves. haha.

well other than the fantastic mission trip tt taught me a whole load of values and lessons, i also went for a super 2.5day shoping adventure. omg IT ROCKED!!
with 250dollars, i managed to buy:
11 t-shirts
4shorts
6belts
7caps
1scarf
1bag
2shades
is tt awesome or what. all u shopaholics out there, dun be jealous:)))
as for the rest of humanity, the most wonderful season is about to arrive. so i wish everyone out there a lessed cristmas and may you find joy love and happiness this season. but most imptly, rmb to give.

2008-10-31T02:32:00.001-07:00

OMG i noe i havent been blogging and obviously i shldnt becos u noe lyk a levels is happening next monday. mixed feelings really. like half scared and nervous and half happy becos studying is really getting to me. these 2 yrs have been such a rush and ive been so super busy but ive made great frens and had a great life. so im gna put in my all for the freaking exams:

3nov: GP
4nov: H1 Math
10nov: Lit (Paper 1)
11nov: Econs (Paper 2)
12nov: Econs (Paper 1)
17nov: TSD
24nov: Lit (Paper 4)

OMG cant wait for exams to be over to have super loads of fun. ugh the anticipation just KILLS me. but now its back to studying. UGH. btw, ANTM cycle 11 ROCKS!! WOOHOO!! haha.

2008-09-14T07:42:00.000-07:00

ok so everyone who watched the previous episode of project runway should know tt two designers were kicked out. namely teri and blayne. OMG im so glad teri got kicked of. she was such a pain in the A**. shes like always insulting everyone's garment and making all sorts of random comments when i actually feel her designs arent tt gd. OMG im so glad she was kicked out. although i have to say i feel sad for every designer tt gets kicked out each episode because sometimes i feel tt each designer has their own style and each garment is subject to each iindividual. but wateva. i dun like teri. so im glad she was kicked out.
blayne on the other hand had quite a sad exit. i rather enjoyed all his retardedness. _licious. haha. it was so hilarious. i think he still needs to develop himself more becos i felt tt his designs were quite amateur not tt im one to judge. after all im not even some famous designer. but at least he was nice. unlike tt bitch of a teri. i was screaming for joy when teri got kicked out. anyway im sure they'll be noticed some how after being shown on national tv. so gd luck designers:)))))

2008-09-12T05:01:00.000-07:00

well so today was the return of the prelim results. it wasnt fabulous but it wasnt bad either.

general paper: B
theatre studies (TSD): B
literature: D
economics: D
mathematics: E

haha i cant believe the easiest subject was my worst. but then again i missed so many classes due to the early a levels for tsd i didnt really have the time to focus on it. with this results i shall try to spur myself on to do better for the A levels. and so shld everyone:))

RANDOM

2008-09-08T07:49:00.000-07:00

this are my two current fav songs:))

TV

2008-09-04T20:30:00.000-07:00

ok. so its been the sept hols and ive been on the computer checking out many shows tt ive missed since forever. here are the shows ive watched:
project runway season 4
project runway season 5
janice dickinson's modelling agency
gossip girls SEASON 2
beverly hills 90210
project runway australia.

OF COURSE my favourite show is GOSSIP GIRLS!! ive been waiting for the second season to come out and i finally got the chance to see it 2 days ago. its fab. the outfits are gorgeous and the people are beautiful. everything is great about tt show. haha. (indeed "the best show ever")

then there is project runway. being an aspiring fashion designer, this show always serves as an inspiration where so many designers come tgt to showcase beautiful clothes tt are unique to their own style. Christian Siriano for one is my favourite-st designer. he totally deserved to win season 4's project runway. woo. this being said, project runway is definitely of a higher standard than project runway australia. its probably becos the show in america is more established but i have to add tt the top 4 contestants on project runway australia definitely deserved to be there. their clothes are GORGEOUS!!

the debut of the new 90210 was not smashing but it wasnt bad either. maybe its because i compare it to gossip girls but overall i think the whole concept isnt bad and the cast is actually quite fitting. well i guess time will tell if this show will be as big a hit as gossip girls.

and lastly who can forget about janice dickinson, top supermodel but also top bitch. i love the way she works. over the top but she still know what she wants. the perfect combination for any drama queen out there. and she definitely has an eye for good looking models. so far the models she picked in all 4 seasons are definitely diabetic for the eyes. but its this mix with the drama she creates that makes this show such a hit with me. haha. anyway i cant wait for more of season 4's episodes to come out. haha. anyway gtg. signing off.

2008-09-04T03:30:00.000-07:00

well invention was one heck of a night. the JOnes were FABULOUS!! and they really performed as if they were like professional. every piece was unique and it was really hard to say which grp was the best. but of course lian kim's grp was freaking awesome. the emotions were so deep that it left the audience in tears. i heard sniffling gg on all around me. farhana's grp was so cute and i really liked the concept of music integrated into the play (and i loved those gorgeous uniforms. AC should just use it NOW!! haha.) michelle's grp was great with a diverse range of reactions shown in the play that made u feel angry, sad, happy etc. and celine's grp (well what can i say), they would probably the most similar to my grp but i loved the eccentric performance they put up. all in all, the performance was fabulous and i did not regret a single moment of it. I LOVE MY JUNIORS!!

2008-08-29T03:02:00.000-07:00

anyway for my second post. haha. i'll talk about jayne's 18th. well first of all i must say tt this is one heck of a girl. she is beautiful, fun to be with, kind, caring, friendly, crazy. the perfect wife for (we all noe who). jayne is one of my "sister"s. we have a super fun time during math and the just completed GS.

anyway we went to celebrate her bday at fort canning park. well it was fun but it was too mosquito filled and the stupid chair dirtied my gorgoues shorts. sniff. but im glad i cld be part of jayne's bday:)) anyway, here are some photos. i wasnt feeling tt well so i didnt have a lot of energy to camwhore.

keith bryce

2008-08-29T02:52:00.000-07:00

a talented designer was kicked out off project runway season 5. well i really felt tt keith was good in the competition. it was just the last dress he made for tt car challenge. it was not him. it didnt feel like he had his signature trademark on it. i think he should continue making those gorgeous clothes he makes, something very edgy and artistic. in one word i would have to say COOL!! indeed it looked a little messy for some of the designs tt he produced during the season but i feel tt keith has so much ppotential as a designer and it was a little heart-breaking to see him go. but well i hope tt he'll make it big becos i admire his designs for their aesthetic and unique quality. ALL THE WAY!!

meet dave

2008-08-26T02:44:00.000-07:00

just ytd, joahanna kester and i decided to hang out. mainly becos kester and i were like damn free and jo probably needed a break. so we met a holland v and we ate XIAO LONG BAO and la mian. it made me happy. haha. then we had fun just chatting and of course me being a cheapskate was like calculating the highest price i could afford. but nonetheless it was a fulfilling lunch. then we hopped to town for a movie. (look at the picture below).

meet dave. a hilarious no brainer kind of show. just ytd me joahanna and kester went to watch this show. we were feeling kind of in the mood for a dumb show (or at least i was) so we decided to watch a dumbass movie. i tink our choice was quite accurate. the show was indeed dumb with a plot that is predictable and all its humour were limited to being on the surface. haha. but it was hilarious. the three of us laughed at continuous interval and needless to say i'm sure u noe who laughed the loudest. haha. but anyway i would rate this show a 2.5/5 mainly becos it was such a retarded show for people like us who have worked so hard for prelims and our fizzled brains need a rest.

anyway i cant wait for the various impromptu outings that await me. so bring it on bitches:))

singapore's golden girls

2008-08-22T07:16:00.000-07:00

in a few words: passionate, powerful, determined, FABULOUS!!

2008-08-19T01:30:00.000-07:00

ALPHABEAT: LOVE THEM!!!

the olympics

2008-08-18T23:02:00.000-07:00

if u havent been watching by now, u r indeed a LOSER!! OMG who doesnt watch the olympics, probably one of the biggest events in the world. sort of a drama production also with all the various controversies and the failures and the success of the various sportsmen. The olympics is one inspirational season where people teach u that there is nothing that is impossible. we see so many atheletes yr after yr breaking world records and crossing obstacles and achieving success.

in singapore, we see the fantastic female table tennis who has finally helped Singapore achieve a medal, something tt hasnt happened for 48 years. OMG!! haha. and tao li who did so well tt she almost got a medal because she was in the finals and broke her own asian games record. FABULOUS!!

internationally, the very very very well known michael phelps has also achieved his goal of attaining 8 gold medals, making him the greatest olympian of all time. 14 medals in 2 games, tts one heck of a skill.

but what i am very unhappy with so far is the attitude the china ppl have reacted to atheletics extrodinaire, LIU XIANG!! can u believe the amount of insults he mus be receiving now. OMG like pls, who the hell do those people think they are. they cant even run half as fast as him so they no right to hurl insults at him. people have their off-days and in this case, i really do think tt he wanted to run the race for china but it was just un fortunate that he couldnt do it because of a freaking injury. he is human contrary to what those rude china netizens believe. he is not a robot u can tune and then go: u r fine now, RUN. i was really appalled by the way the china netizens reacted and i feel that in the end, they dont own him so he doesnt owe them ANYTHING!! im very sure he will make a comeback at the london 2012 games and beat the shit out of everyone and prove those rude china netizens wrong. HOWS TT FOR SUPPORT!!

nip/tuck

2008-08-18T22:57:00.000-07:00

after the long period of time where ive been blogging about all the emotional stuff about myself, i feel like i dont just wanna blog about myself but rather things tt really interest me. ive been visiting blogs and what really inspires me is tt ppl use blogs to talk about what they like (e.g. the sartorialist and kenneth in the 212). so basically i wld like more pictures but less words. and i'll try to blog as often as i can. haha. something which i HOPE!! haha.

2008-07-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

after the many many months of work, all the blood sweat and tears that i put into my drama a levles, it is finally over. i feels like a huge burden has been lifted of my shoulders. i did enjoy the process of making my costume and rehearsing with my grp and all, but the time put in was WOOoO long and really really energy draining. Now i feel like i sleep so much better not really worrying about the detailed things that was part of the process work in churning out a fab costume and a wonderful group skill piece. Of course this journey would not have been possible without the support of my many friends:))
my parents and the teachers of course were the main help that i built my foundation on but it was my friends, who help to add every single detail to make my a levels a success (i hope and pray and wish:))) anyway a big shoutout to kester, johanna and mark who probably helped me the MOST!! and then there is ROSE!! DENISE!!, maomao, ning, isaac, samw, nicole ee, eugenia, soph, vivian, nicole's fren(dawn), bev, jayne, nat, rachel ding, frances, dharsh, elle and many many others, who were all my pillars of support and help in my times of need. i am sincerely grateful and i learnt what it means to be a fren. not just a fren but a TRUE fren:)) and of course, who can forget my very very wonderful IS ppl mo and lian. without them, i wldnt even be able to take the a levels. i enjoyed all the laughing we've had and all the fun and craziness.
but with all this hype in thanking everyone who has been such a significant part of my life, it is now time to TAKE A BOW and focus on my studies. getting into the momentum is hard and im trying every single day. my clique is definitely my pushing force. so i hope i can push myself this final lap and chiong for the finish line.
THANK YOU EVERYONE, FOR BEING THE GREATEST FRIENDS:)))))

2008-06-16T05:31:00.000-07:00

(kester is the cool dude in the first row wearing the shades and folding his arms. hhaha)
KESTER TAN YUAN RAN!!
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY. STAY COOL AND ROCK ON!!
LOL:):)

2008-06-13T06:41:00.000-07:00

its probably a little late to blog about this but SEX AND THE CITY rocks. i swear. it is the life i wanna live. clothes, love, nice house, urbanized districts. OMG! u gotta love it. the story line is basically the same and represents the ordinary woman's life. the frens tt she has and the problems that she goes through only to come out a stronger person. it was really a fusion of touching, romantic and comedy elements that never failed to keep me awake through out the movie. indeed as a fashion designer hopeful, new york city is definitely the way to live it up. haiz. why am i not born into tt lifestyle. it would be so perfect to live in the glam areas of new york, enjoying fashion. anyway people should go watch it. its a perfect show. love it. hahaha. though not many ppl might agree becos some ppl think it is a bimbo show which i totally DISAGREE! but yeah everyone should go catch it.

the second movie ive watched in the hols is the chronicles of narnia: prince caspian. the shows was definitely great and i enjoyed the fantasy element of the whole story. it really interests your creative juices and u have to suspend reality just for tt few hours to really enjoy the show. of course the characters int he show were good looking and yes all the girls have been screaming about one hottie after another. hahaha. having constant debates about which is the hottest guy in the show. hahaha. the costumes were brilliant i have to say and i esp loved how there are christian concepts in tt movie becos the writer after all was a christian. i think it sort of helps to evangelize to the non christian and change the cynical view on christians. i have heard rather insulting comments about it but i guess one has to have faith in what god will do to transform the hearts of those ppl. yup.

sch has been great this few days and i really hope tt all the practice put in for Drama will be worth it. i really wish to thank the drama teachers for their immense guidance becos without them and the alumni constantly helping us i think we wld definitely suffer. yup.

2008-05-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

OMG. i swear life is treating me so unfairly. ok not tt im totally dissatisfied with my grades. but i feel that ive been unfairly graded. the first two grades of group marks and individual performance marks were totally acceptable and i understood the various mistakes that arose from it. But wad im so pissed about is the fact that i got a C for my contribution marks. LIKE WAD IN THE WORLD!! excuse me but i put in the same amount of effort as the group. we make up for things we cant do in other areas. for me i freaking tied the structure so hard that now even my hands are scarred. but i guess no one will actually find out because why. people do not see my effort and contribution and i refuse to announce my contribution to those people. ugh. i guess i'll have to accept that mark but i think it is so unfair because i actually stay back to paint the boxes, toy box, tie the freaking ass structure, paint the banner, which is wad the rest of grp members do and i get the LOWEST grade in the grp. hello. im the one who taught everyone how to tie the freaking knot. the outer appearance i guess is more impt since ppl who actually do not do anything can get a higher grade than me, and those ppl im talking about DO NOT come from my grp. my grp works tgt in unity but guess wad i dont think ppl think so. I guess im just a pain in the ass or an eyesore to them. i really hate it that my efforts are not recognized then my parents start to doubt that im actually putting in effort which i totally am. go and ask my grp members and they will tell you that our work was equally divided and they do feel angry for me. but guess wad. we hav to bottle up all those feelings. esp me. the victim of an unfair treatment. haiz i guess my life sucks tt way. on a brighter note, all my grades have improved from ugh inventio and im glad it has because my grp has grown so much tgt and we are totally fine with one another and actually enjoy each other and accept the quirks that we each have. at the end of the day, i will show that im not wad they think i am. i will show them tt i can be successful in life and no matter wad they do to me now, they can NEVER affect my life in the future. :)

2008-05-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

this week has been such a tough week. full of emotions coursing through me and i always believed that God was beside me, making me stronger each time a blow was thrown at me. i realised how much i need God in my life. becos without him, i am nothing. goodness. how life seems to have passed so quickly. the stress of my life is practically drowning me. on wed and thurs, altogether, i had 4 hrs of sleep. fantastic isnt it. tts how i fall sick or go mentally retarded. i would like to give a shout out to...

MUMMY AND DADDY: who supported me every step of the freaking tiring journey and helping me, giving me the moral support to stay through the night. my daddy even drove to kesters hse for me just to get some photos. this is wad i call fantabulous parents. gosh. i wld hav died without them

KESTRINAAAAA (KESTER): thx for helping me with all the tech stuff becos im a computer idiot obviously. and the photos and for giving me the emotional support needed for this week.

my wonderful gs group (the royalty), samw, bev, dharsh, frances, jasmin, ed, my clique, my juniors, rose, denise etc etc (the rest prob noe who u r): thank you soooooooooooo much for supporting me and consoling me when i was sobbing lyk a baby. im such a cry baby but u were all there for me and i luv u for it. thx soooooo much u guys. i dunno how i wld hav survived without u all.

o and u all just have to watch gossip girls. my blogskin is alr the best publicity to go watch it. yes. it rocks. woohoo.

2008-05-09T05:51:00.000-07:00

i swear. i need a life. OMG! everyday is lyk work work work or if not it is just studying for tests tt just kepp flowing my way. i cant stand this. i feel so much weaker than wen i was in sji. i feel so sad tt i do not hav the will power to persevere on like previously. i have such a bad feeling about my life in jc and sometimes i seriously regret tt i didnt take the poly route. i noe ive excepted the fact and all but still, its not a crime to whine about my life right. everyone needs some form of release and mine just happens to be the vocal way. i do not understand why ppl tell me tt im not working on this or tt wen IM FREAKING WORKING. my life does not just revolve around working thank u very much. havent they eva heard the phrase of all work and no play makes jack a dull boy?? i guess they hav dull lives. i noe tt i shldnt be complaining becos there are more ppl out there tt hav even less life than me and i shld be appreciatively but sometimes i look at myself and go: OMG why the ^&*&$^&*^ did i get myself into this immensely stressful system. mayb it was pride? or mayb it was my gd frens around me? I DONT KNOW!! but all i noe tt it is very tiring having to go through every sch day. i feel as if my super low is gg to arrive very soon. ppl might say im paranoid but tt is just the way i am. UGH! and recently, it has been so difficult to go to sch wen things are just getting so BITCHY! u noe its not tt im not bitchy but the thing is situations are BITCHY beyond my control. im just so tired sometimes. maybe its becos i havent been following god close enough. eva since i got baptized, the spiritual high was only there for a while, after which i have gone back to my original lifestyle. goodness. so many things to do and so little time!!! i need to have 20000000000000000hrs more to complete stuff. AHHH!!

2008-05-07T07:01:00.001-07:00

and i almost forgot to declare on my blog...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DHARSHIZZLES. 18 YRS AND AS HOT AS EVER!!!

2008-05-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

spice girls in the 1990s
spice girls today
i just have to give a major shout out to the SPICE GIRLS. They were the pop icons that hit me when i was so young. Their songs were the first that I listened to. Until today, as i went on to youtube to search for their songs, all the wonderful memories of their hits start coming back. haha. i know this post is really random but well, 've heard quite a lot of news about them re-forming to produce another album and all but i think that sceptical ppl are just quick to criticise that they are a bunch of grown girls that fail to present the idea of girl power anymore. but i definitely beg to differ. Their re-formation helps to show off the maturity that they have gone through over the past many years after they disbanded. OMG. their songs are just so catchy and fun-loving that i do actually feel happy listening to their songs. Recently, while typing my critical commentary, i didnt want to feel bored so i went to hear their songs and i just felt happy and cheerful compared to the rest of my frens who are so freaking bored writing their stuff. haha. anyway thx SPICE GIRLS for ur wonderful music and i sincerely hope that they break back into this super competitive music industry:)

2008-03-31T07:55:00.000-07:00

I WAS BORN AGAIN ON SUNDAY 30TH MARCH 2008

2008-03-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

well basically, i have loads of things to blog about. but these few weeks have been pretty hectic with the funfair and south africa during the march hols. so on and so forth. i promise tt wen i hav time, i will talk about:
1. South Africa 2008
2. performances i went for and enjoyed
3. my wonderful juniors
4. fun o rama 19th and its prep
5. CHOICES(my easter and good friday celebrations)
6. and generally about my life
but for now, im gg to sleep becos tmr is yet another loooooooooooong day ahead. gdnite:)

2008-03-07T08:22:00.000-08:00

OMG! everyone u shld totally guess where im writing this post from. IN THE AIRPORT! im gg to lyk south africa soon. hopefully it will be filled with great and wonderful memories and not heart aches.

i oso have to say tt i got a B for my A level chinese. it isnt the grade i wanted but it will do becos after all i was so tired ttt day and i guess my hundred percent was not put in. i will learn to energize myself for all my exams so tt i do not feel so tired during afternoon papers especially. i really wanna do well for my exams after seeing how well my seniors did.

anyway ppl im missing right now are my AA1 clique, my cj class, my AD4 clique and my MUMMY AND DADDY. can u actually imagine how i was lyk so angry with them and now i lyk totally miss them. ugh adolescence can be so annoying sometimes:) anyway gtg!

2008-02-25T04:33:00.000-08:00

for very obvious reasons i have decided to remove the hate post of my parents. i will try to be a good Christian and honour my parents no matter how prickish they are:)

2008-02-25T04:12:00.000-08:00

well i guess rashness is not the way to go but i still do feel in this certain towards my parents. they are very mean to me. well i shldnt say i hate them. i DISLIKE them. yes. but they are still good to me SOMETIMES. today was an ok day where things passed real slow and i felt weak and tired. but i must study hard for exams.

2008-02-24T05:15:00.000-08:00

my life just freaking sucks. sch(in every aspect except my frens) suck, my parents sucks, ive got freaking issues with myself and on top of tt i did so badly for my drama prelims.

2008-02-24T05:14:00.000-08:00

I DISLIKE MY PARENTS! PERIOD!

2008-02-24T05:01:00.000-08:00

I DISLIKE MY PARENTS! PERIOD!

2008-02-23T23:02:00.000-08:00

ok so lyk here are the photos from the trip to the national museum to see Greek pieces and my sister's bday celebrations. and if u see too many pictures of feet. i didnt take them. it was isaac. the foot fetish isnt mine. and all the sculptures are from lyk 5th century BC. so they are lyk about thousands of yrs old. cool right. greece at ur very door step.

thats the end of the greek thing. now its my sissie's bday. i swear im such a camwhore. haha.

2008-02-22T06:20:00.000-08:00

i kinda feel very tired with my life. i feel insufficient and so lousy. i got a C for my prelims drama. how sucky is tt la. i was damn sad. i almost cried. i worked my butt off but i guess working my butt off was just not enough. my heart was seriously broken. ever since i grew up, my self esteem levels hav just gone down. i guess its the way ppl treat me. i just feel lyk screaming at them sometimes and tell them to just shut their big freaking ass mouth. i get criticised everywhere i go. for everything and anything, even the most minor of things. somehow my stupid ass character forgives all these ppl thx to my love for harmony in this world. i just really feel lyk breaking down and having a really good crying session becos i guess tt wld make me feel better. ive just gone through so much in my jc yrs no matter how little it might seem to those who are suffering more than me. but its me. my life. so of course my degree of suffering and another's will be different. its kinda irritating that wen i whine, ppl tell me "stop whining" or "i suffer more than u wad" lyk hello, wad happened to the sympathy of this world, this cynical world tt i live in. is life so hard to live. i really love my juniors and sometimes i just envy them for their bunny rabbit attitudes. i dont understand how they have so much joy in them when all my joy has been mostly sucked away these 2 recent yrs. i try so hard at everything but i still suck at it. and i dun even get any encouragement. wen i sing, ppl tell me to shut up or tt i suck, hence i limit myself to singing to myself in hushed tones. i noe it seems really weird tt i say this of myself but i noe tt i hav self esteem issues. i just dun feel confident enough to speak out in front of ppl alr. my entire extroverted loud behaviour is just a facade to make ppl think tt i am happy wen actually life is at its suckiest. haiz. i just dun tink my existence in this world is appreciated. i'm the butt of all jokes and i am happy tt ppl are happy. but i just cannot bring myself to smile so much anymore. the jokes tt ppl tell me and wen i laugh really loudly are just signs of my depressed life. they r just temporary before i realize tt life sucks again. i really wish life would quickly speed up. i dun really lyk this juncture of my life. of course the frens are fine and everything but i just dun feel the immense amount of happiness and belonging i felt in saint joseph's institution. why is tt? why doesnt someone just tell me? my social life and everything might b gg well but i guess my emotional state of mind is just a total wreck. i wish i cld just cry right now and just have someone real close to comfort me. i wish.

anyway, yesterday was my sister's birthday and i felt genuinely happy tt day becos although i dun say it out loud, i do love my sister. mushy i noe but well there is a different way in which she and i communicate. somehow we got closer as we got older. we still fight but it only brings us closer. her birthday was also significant becos it was also the day tt singapore got the first ever youth olympics bid. im quite proud tt we are hosting something so fantastic but again the whoo haa isnt needed. anyway, congrats singapore on ur win. im really proud. i also went to the national museum today to enjoy the fantastic works that the Greeks of the 5th century BC created. it was so beautiful and so well crafted that some of them almost seemed real. i was quite satisfied with this excursion as i really saw some wonderful pieces of work tt seems impossible to be done. haha. i guess it was a great experience and i'll put up photos in my next post.

2008-02-17T05:34:00.000-08:00

hey everyone. i guess from the deadness of my blog, u can see tt i hav not been updating but tt is becos i have been so busy. basically, today was the end of my prelims for costume design and its a great burden of my shoulders. i was quite pleased wif the outcome of today's exam although i do not noe how i will do. at least ppl said the dress was gorgeous. haha. i really have to thank god becos i tot i screwed up the makeup for liankim, my IS partner but it turned out quite alright. yes, this reminds me tt i shld giv a big shoutout to LIANKIM and MOHIT. the two wonderful ppl tt made my IS possible.im quite grateful becos one of them can sing while the other can dance. great right. haha. anyway, i'll continue updating soon.. i hope:)

2008-01-13T01:29:00.000-08:00

well basically i havent been blogging due to the lack of time tt i have becos this yr is lyk one of the most impt yrs of my freaking life. ive got the A's to work for. drama is keeping me busy becos we hav exams earlier than all the other subjects in the school and there is a lot to prepare for. this is the reason why i also decided not to audition for anything this yr but to practice on my crewing skills ie my costume designing and execution skills. everyday has been rather busy but not to the pt where i just feel i hav no energy to do anything else. there is the daily homework but it hasnt piled up yet. its only been the second week of sch, but trust me, it will get worse. well i have no one to blame for the stress except for myself becos i chose this JC route and i caused myself to be a more stressed up person as a result. well there is no more harping over the past but rather, to get down to business to be more conscientious in my work. which i wasnt really last yr. but anyway, i've yet to make my 2008 resolutions, which most likely wont be kept but aims and goals are still impt in life. i guess i oso have my super duper frens to support me although they keep telling me to stop whining(but tt is my nature, thank you very much). haha. i guess its just part of the whole destressing technique, where u let go of all the problems by telling someone else. maybe the approach of telling them may be different, but i prefer whining. i dont care whether my mother tells me it girly, i dun care. i lyk whining. ok im digressing. haha. o ya and i oso plan to go to cj on monday. hope i can go and meet the frens tt i totally havent seen in about 2 months. super sad. lol.

another topic of discussion wld be the new series, gossip girls. it is the ultimate show. woo. i love it to the core becos it is so freaking bitchy and the stuff tt they do is so high society. i guess im very materialistic, but im not complaining. the show is basically about how the rich students of a private school behave and the different problems tt they face although their lives seem very perfect and glamourous. i guess its just part of the consequences for being able to lead such a charmed life with no monetary problems to really wry bout. God is a very fair God. he doesnt allow anyone to be perfect. if u r rich, u might not be smart or good looking, but if u r poor, u might be lyk super smart and good looking. so u see, no one loses out, everyone has their own fair share of strengths and weaknesses. gossip girls, other than the being bitchy part, also teaches the individual how to treasure ur loved ones. it revolves relationships, whether it is friendship or dating, it really show how one should go about communicating with other around. in this world where there are so many broken relationships and ppl getting so easily hostile or two faced to one another, it is important that we see the ppl who r truly genuine to us and that we should cherish them becos who noes, the person tt u think is genuine and looking out for u may be a freaking back stabber or BITCH. so beware and always be on the look out. at the end of the day, family is still very impt, esp if u have parents tt u might dislike becos they r harsh to u but really, they r onli looking out for ur well being. this logic applies to me esp. haha. anyway its time to continue with my ugh work.

2007-12-31T00:53:00.000-08:00

mark and sue's wedding was a total success. it was such a joyous occasion becos they have been two fantastic leaders especially in the senior web zone. mark was also the spider of the trailblazers, my very first wg. i think they are so compatible for each other and i hope god bless their marriage especially since they are so devoted to God. ushering for them was just a little something to repay them for all the support they have given to me in my journey from a sec 1 youth till now. congradulations:) the lunch was also really delicious. too bad i didnt have tt much space in my stomach. haha. talking bout food, i feel rather hungry now. so see u ppl next yr which is lyk tmr cos tmr is yr 2008. wateva.

2007-12-29T05:17:00.000-08:00

christmas is a spirit for giving and sharing. and so on and so forth. well i wish i cld just have one celebration, a slow happy one, everyday during this festive season. However, my parties have been cramped all into 5 days. and i plan to blog about every single one of them. haha. it was really tiring, zipping from one place to another. tt is why i was just contemplating how it wld so nice just to have nice slow moving parties.

21st dec
senior web zone party
i regret to say tt i didnt get to stay through the entire party. tt was a really warm party becos everyone in church is always nice and we were having a very nice time (or at least i was). i felt a sense of nostalgia becos my previous wg used to hav such a party every yr and it was always great just hanging around wif my churchies. of course many ppl were not there but i just felt i wld have enjoyed myself thoroughly if i had been able to stay for the whole thing. anyway, here are some pics.

fren's party
very soon, i rushed of to my fren's party. it supposed to be a very hush hush affair so i dun tink i'll mention tt fren. yup. (i'll use a random name to protect the person. haha) anyway, i went to Jane's hse for a christmas dinner and it was really, i have to say, a very well planned dinner. everything was so beautifully done up and there were gift boxes for everyone present. it was so thoughtful but the msgs inside said otherwise. lol. i had a great time just joking around and being all siao and laughing as if i was drunk, which is no drunk becos there was no alcohol. she is a good child and didnt offer us any (to my disappointment. haha.) tt dinner really gave me a chance to meet frens i havent seen in a while and i was really grateful for it.

22nd dec
cefc christmas carnival
well, the carnival was not really a carnival for me cos i was involved in it. but in the church. lol. i did make up for the dancers for their three performances, touching up and everything. i did every single one of them ok. im so proud of myself... NOT. just a duty and contribution la. it was also gd prac for me for drama since i have to do it next yr. yup. in the end i was so super tired tt day but i made so many new frens. hurray. everything really moved very fast for me tt i didnt hav a chance to just stop and take a breath. and the dance was also really gd. i loved it immensely. everything was very well oiled and the whole performance was fantastic. of course there were some hiccups but i think the dancers dealed with it very well and everyone complimented them. way to go ppl.

23rd dec
sunday service
i woke up very early.. FOR NOTHING. its just tt the morning was so rushed that there was no time to do make up and so my job was to film thedancers while they danced. then i continued to do it for them before the second service and i breathed a sigh of relief afta they were done. their performance was once again very well done and better than the carnival day. god was IN THE HSE! i loved the skit. it was a little corny but really hilarious. it was also such an incidence tt i was talking about the ah lian pronounciations of branded gds the week before. of course my darling WG, the best in the world, all wore christmas hats to be the unique ones. haha. it was super cute, every single one of them.

after service, i went to auntie belinda's hse for an ex SCC gathering. it was only the few familiar faces tt i saw. everyone was doing theirown thing and i managed to watch a korean show. it was so cute and hilarious. typical korean comedy and its just my kind of genre wen i feel lyk watching a romantic no brainer. anyway, it started raining really heavily and so my parents brought me to a bus stop along the way home and stopped me there cos i was gg for yet another party. it was my 435 party. woo hoo. i luv those bunch of ppl so much and they were the ones that gave me the time of my life while spending most of my class hrs with them. of course i made a few gd frens in the class and its always a pleasure to meet up wif those guys and believe it or not, DRINK. i didnt really drink cos i had ANOTHER party to get to and i wasnt gg to show up drunk. so in the end i left early, AGAIN, super sad la, and went to my next party. which i wld say was the best, not tt i hated the rest. o just read on.
the party was the best becos i got to see one of my close frens CHARLOTTE. she recently left singapore to go to canada to study andshe just returned. i was so excited to see her and she gave me a super warm welcome the moment i saw her. plus the rest of them are practically the ppl who immensely love me just lyk i luv them (in a totally platonic way:)) well our time tgt was short thx to my father who recently put a freaking curfew on me. but it was memorable becos we just sat around, laughed, drank, and do all the really wacky stuff. haha. totally just love it. anyway, i was the first to leave but the last to arrive so i felt kinda bad but its ok, they understand. thx u guys. just to end of becos i have no fotos of the last 2 parties, i'll just briefly describe. the first was my cg party. as in my parent's church grp. we usually have a gathering once a yr and the food is always really delicious. basically, i ate a lot of meat which wld make me a carnivorous. but i just love meat and the presents i got from them this yr was all perfumes and stuff which is gd so tt ihave the incentive to continue to be vain. haha. immediately afta the party was the party at my relatives hse. i was really tired by then so i just decided to sit around and yack with familiar faces tt i noe. it seems tt everyone is very tired this christmas (i mean wen i talked to my cousins) but at least we have one another. this dinner was really slack where everybody just hung around and chit chat. yup. great party:) so tt is basically all the partaes i had.

2007-12-07T05:48:00.000-08:00

its not lyk anyone really reads my blog. lol. anyway, now the hols are here. (becos nov wasnt really counted hols) i went back to msia to visit the relatives because one of the families there came down from down under (haha the irony of it all). and after three short days, it was immediately youth camp destiny and i only returned home recently. which means i have spent almost a week away from home. not tt im complaining cos i had loads of fun, and i almost forgot i also went for a class meeting to try baking diff stuff to raise funds for funorama. anyway i got bored halfway and went to watch a vcd instead.

msia
to go there. everytime there is a long hol, my family always drives across the causeway to visit my uncle, his family and my grandmother. usually it is a time to watch all those pirated vcds my uncle buys and watch cable tv cos i dun hav any at home. but this time, i did a little shopping. i bought a black vest and a black shirt. both of which i find quite nice. the funniest thing is tt i went for a wedding there when i dun even noe the couple.haha. so retarded right. haha. i just went becos it was my grandmother's friend's son's wedding and they had a extra spot in the invitation and so, since i am a pig, i went to eat the dinner. the food wasnt tt gd but the ambience was really nice. the area is a bit lyk the shops we see in holland village. a few clubmsia was really very relaxed and i enjoyed every moment of it. it has become sort of a routines, restaurants and bars. it was nice. anyway the ride was really long and tt is wad i really appreciate s'pore's size. wen u want to get from one place to another the ride is not very long but wen i went for the wedding, the ride there was about 1.5hrs. my butt was aching by the time i reached there. haha. other than the wedding, i also watched american gangsters. the show is not out in spore yet but i shldnt spoil it for those who eventually wanna watch so i'll just giv the gist. it basically involves a drug dealer and a policeman both of whom have very strict work ethics that cause others to think they are weird or something when they actually are very successful in what they do. in the end, their paths cross and they have to choose whether to work against or with each other. yup. so go watch it though it isnt a fantastic show.

youth camp destiny
after returning home from msia, the next day, i reported for camp. i was quite tired but really excited. i was to assist PETER (can u imagine tt). haha. no la it was quite fun working wif him although i got pissed with him. i guess it was just the different styles of doing things and we sort of clashed in terms of how we want to create a dynamic grp. but i realized i was in the wrong and learnt to adapt to other ppl's working styles. yup.my grp was also rather boring at first and i was quite sceptical about the grp being a gd one. but again, i was taught tt different ppl behave differently and being so rigid only make things worst. in the end i ended up loving my grp becos i became more open in relating wif them. i also encountered GOD during the course of the camp though not as strongly as the united in love camp 2 yrs ago. it really set my heart at peace becos now i noe how to continue on moving in the right path. and recognizing strongly wad my weaknesses are. i also made new friends which is always a highlight for me at camps. jiayi, whom is in my sch came to web not long ago but i didnt really get to noe him. however, during the camp, i think i got to noe him a little better and he is quite a friendly guy. timothy koh, a sec 1 was also another fren i made. haha. he is really a drama queen and he is super funny. the two of us have quite a lot in common and so we clicked when we started talking. his friend ryan is also a super nice boy. my grp of course gave opportunities for me to make new friends and i also made a lot of friends with the p6 and sec 1 boys. this reminds me, being chalet leader was also another responsibility i undertook. it was not tt tough becos sji had so many leadership camps tt being in charge of rooms really is quite alright. i had to be quite anal bout it cos the sec 1s and p6s are not very organized and they wld have turned the room upside down if there was no one to ensure they were little angels. haha. but i slept really little cos they were a noisy bunch and the air was also freaking cold. i think its great tt i made frens with many young ones becos our youth tries to create an environment where the older mentor the younger but the first step is to always get to noe one another which i achieved during the course of the camp. i broke camp earlier than the rest cos i rushed of for my class thing at kester's hse. i was alr shacked by then.

class thing
i met the clique and other classmates and immediately start insulting me when i reach la. so mean. bunch of mean girls.haha. kester's mouth was swollen haha and he looked lyk he had been kissing a lot haha. no la. anyway, we went there to bake but in the end i ended up watching a vcd cos i was too tired and i was there to slack. lol. we ordered canadian pizza and it was really gd to taste something unhealthy. i went home, watched america's next top model then went to sleep.

antm8
just some comments on the finale which a lot of ppl noe the results since spore airs american shows 10yrs after US has aired it. i think tt all three girls were deserving although i feel tt natasha on the runway looked too meaty and i did feel the other girls were being quite mean to her although she was annoying and weird. however i wanted renee to be in the final 2. so sad. but at least jaslene won. she was really good through the competition. here are the pictures of the top three.

and one thing i lyk so much about this show (mainly becos their bitchiness is so fun to watch) is tt becos the end product of their photo shoot is always so gorgeous and i wish i cld look hot or take such great pictures. haha. anyway its random but i still have a passion for fashion and i hope tt one day i shall be an internationally recognized one:) signing off.

2007-11-10T20:14:00.000-08:00

well it has been quite a while since i last updated becos i am so busy with the endof yr production arabian nights. on fiday was the cpa dinner and tt was wen my flu started. my flus are usually full blown and a sore throat comes with a bad nose and then cough and finally asthma. yes i noe its quite bad but anyway, im typing this post with a splitting headache but i have to post my photos. sucha typical camwhore. lol. cpa was good except that i was sick and i still gave it my all ok. it was really tiring but although the rehearsal process is one that is arduous and filled with immense fear and having an aching body afta each rehearsal, it somehow seems worth it wen u go onstage and give it your all. but i really miss having loads of time during the hols just resting and mooching around the hse. but i guess it oso helps make gd use of my time. sometimes i think it is just too much time but i guess i'll be satisfied wen igo onstage and give my all for GOD:)

2007-11-04T02:07:00.000-08:00

basically,life has been one super boring ride for me esp for the whole of nov. ive got drama though i really dislike dancing, i will be dancing with my 2 left feet on barker's stage on the 22nd,23rd,and24th of nov which is coming soon. the rehearsals are usually alrite but once the cheorographer comes, i start panicing and everything usually goes badly for me. haiz. i prob have some mental block against him. wateva. now the day before rehearsal, i haveto mentally prepare myself for dance. tt is why wen ppl call me out the day before rehearsal, i usually have no mood to go out. yupps. but anyway,ppl who wan to go for arabain nites,pls leave me a comment in my cbox and i'll c howi can gettickets for u:) yupps. so have fun for ur hols everyonewhile i rehearse eithernormally, or in utter fear

2007-10-14T08:31:00.000-07:00

ok my cj friends prob think im lyk such a freaking bitch for pang sei-ing them. but i totally had a valid excuse. i went for baptism and membership class at my church. the baptism talk was ok but the membership class was really quite a bore. i almost fell asleep. well so did my fren jonathan. ugh. im so sry u guys. plus the pressure of finding a script and everything, i really hav no mood to go out. im paranoid. im gg crazy. its so stressful, my life i mean. even if i dun get to go out as often as like javier or wg, i prefer to stay at home. but no. ive got so many commitments. i wish i was sick so tt i dun hav to go. im scared. u cld say im an escapist. but ive always been lyk tt. sob. now i oso cannot go out tmr. sniff sniff:(

2007-10-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

UGH! JUST AS I WAS BEING SO HAPPY BOUT MY LIFE, SOME SMS JUST RUINED IT ALL. i am just so super freaking pissed and i feel so left out of the world. they told me jc life was where u had ur fun moments as an adolescent. BULLCRAP! ugh i am so pissed. i have like almost no social life. i rather b a mugger and spend my life studying with free time to go out than be someone with no life. wad the hell is wrong wif this world. so freaking pissed. I HATE MY FREAKING NO LIFE! a lot of vulgarities are surfacing in my mind now but trying to be a gd christian and all, i refuse to say it. why god. i noe its wrong to blame u but i just feel so lifeless. no life. sji was filled with so much more memories that last for a long time.i feel like im in a torture chamber, being suffocated to death. why was i so foolish to follow blindly. i should have been more firm on wad i wanted to do. i might not have met my wonderful frens, which is also sad but yet i wld have been enjoying my freaking life now. sometimes i just wish to end it but i got no guts to do such things. ugh. just totally hate my life. hate it! and i oso think i am developing a mental disorder or something cos i always feel lyk im being watched or stared at and this problem onli developed afta my wonderful life vanished into thin air. im so paranoid nowadays. help me god. save me. and give me the immense strength tt im gg to need till the end of 24 nov 2007.

2007-10-09T05:32:00.000-07:00

on sunday afternoon, me june and javier went to bugis street and peninsula plaza to shop. i shall just advertise tt peninsula sells the cheapest skinny jeans. my gosh man $20 to $25. woo wad a deal. i was so happy tt the shop keeper was so persuasive in asking me to take a look at his shop. i will definitely go there again wen i have more money again. haha. it was quite fun walking to the various shops in bugis street which was our next shopping spot. luv it. well its not as cheap as thailand or china but it will definitely make do in singapore where shopping is becoming so super expensive. haha. anyway, it was fun hanging out with my peeps and june is seriously such a good and patient shopper. telling me and javier which was gd on us. june u totally rock. woohoo. anyway, on to the next outin which was the clique outing to east coast.

it was just yesterday that i had such a fun time with my clique (luv u guys) these are really the ppl that keep me gg on in sch becos i really dislike sch. basically, we went to east coast park to officially celebrate all the oct babies bdays. which is lyk almost the whole clique. haha. it was fun (AFTA EXAMS) just pigging out, chatting, doing random stuff and riding bicycles around the park. it was very therapeutic afta suffering from the life in sch. ugh so stressful just thinking about gg back to tt place tmr. haha. i really feel happy just hanging out with my girlfriends and one male friend haha becos they giv so much joy to me which i am glad for and i really thank god that he put such frens in my life that are so super supportive of me. anyway, afta lyk slacking around from bout 11 am to 4pm, we went to dogs hse to watch movies. tt was more of a chill session as we unwound from the exciting day. i was really tired but so super happy tt day and i hope more of such outings happen foreva. haha. tmr sch starts. the tot of it makes me go UGH!!!

2007-10-05T05:26:00.000-07:00

OMG!! my freaking exams are ova. just super happy till can kill myself. but its onli 5 full days of fun then i'll be back to the whole normal routine of sch. yuck. anyway, todays lit paper was quite hard considering tt yesterdays was much better. well i hope it goes well. i definitely dun wanna retain if not i'll just go kill my self. ugh. then ngee ann poly ppl will prob see me in their sch next yr. i really hope i pass AT LEAST. ugh. anyway, for now, im enjoying my slack life. nothing to wry or think about. just slack. haha.

went to watch the nanny's diaries today. its a really gd show on how society works and it really gives an insight to how ppl even though rich, may suffer from an unhappy till they realize tt the things most impt to them are not material wealth but relationships tt last. it was quite a touching movie. i almost cried at the part where the nanny tells the employed through a video that she shld treasure her son before it is too late. oh well it was a gd show. i wld give it a 4/5.

2007-10-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

omg. exam is gg to b ova tmr. i just miss the slight freedom of jumping and screaming around in town. i used to do that every holiday in. mayb there will be less of it but at least i have about 5 days of full fledged enjoyment. woots. well in case u r wondering why i have so little time to scream around, i have rehearsals for drama's end of yr production arabian nights. actually im not really keen but it exposes me to all the various stuff tt i need to noe about perf. haiz. wat to do, i wasnt born a star actor. haha. but my dream is really to become a fashion designer.

and today at devotions, i was so pissed at my sji senior who is also in ac. he obviously cannot fake his accent well so why did he even bother attempting. i hate it when ppl behave so fake sometimes. in fact this is the stereotype of my school. not tt im trying to diss it but i have heard a lot of ppl trying to talk lyk ang mohs. hello lyk wats up wif that. pls be proud of ur own heritage. u r born a freaking chinese so speak lyk one. ugh. and when he was praying he said "god pls fill us with ur piss (instead of peace)" it was so annoying. i really lyk devotions in the morning but sometimes i get so turned off by the speaker. lyk today and the other day wen there was this girl who kept trying to speak with expression but sounded more lyk she was breathless or something. if u cant do it the artificial way, do it in ur own natural way. nobody is gg to kill u for being urself. in the morning, ppl are very grumpy and they want to hear some words of inspiration from the word of God. it is therefore very important that a gd speaker goes up to talk about it. the teachers and principals are quite gd in fact at this. but its just the minority of annoying students that just try too hard. ugh. wannabes. at least i dun try to be cool or angmoh. i try to be lame. (haha believe it or not) becos i lyk to make ppl laugh. i lyk happy ppl. haha.

anyway tmr will be the start of fun and some shopping during the weekend. woots. ok gtg study for my LAST paper. and btw, my bday just passed haha.

2007-09-22T04:08:00.000-07:00

well it seems recently that my life has finally been gg back on track. just in case u didnt noe, i did really badly for my drama exam. i got an s for my perf, how sad is tt right. i wun blame it on anyone cos its too dangerous except to say tt i am oso responsible for such a bad grade. i felt nostalgic during tt period of time, rmbing all the gd memories in sji and i wonder to myself why i have made so many bad choices in life since i left my second home. im not saying anything to offend anything or anyone, im just being paranoid. can u imagine how i feel. i get scared, every single day of my life, hoping tt things go well for me and tt i dun have to meet wif difficulties. i sometimes tink im gg crazy with all the mental and physical stress tti have to go through. of course some ppl hav more shit than me, but still, the life in sji can neva be compared to this. in other words, i am tired, tired of the life i hav now. i wonder wat it would hav been lyk if i went to the poly. things might not have been better but it wld be a little easier in the studies aspect becos i get to learn lifeskills for 3 whole yrs instead of cramming everything in in 2. why. why was i so dumb. anyway, my life has become better as the stress now onli lies on doing well for this shitty promos. i really hate it but it will only be for 2 more weeks and then i can scream for freaking joy. and the fact is, im grateful for all the frens i have, both in church, school and other friends that r always supporting me in wateva i do. in this sense, i do have to thank god that at least he has guided me to find friends that care and support, unlike some ppl who have superficial friends that are based on looks or popularity or even ppl wif no frens at all. as i go on wif my life, i continue to hope that life will do me well with the support from every single human (well almost every single human being) i know. thx guys and praise the lord. signing off:)

long time

2007-08-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

its been a long time since i have posted since i have a lack of time to engage in this leisure activity. but i'll update it soon. i promise. but in a short paragraph. life has been quite gd as i am learning in drama how to do costume design for my IS. my sch life is alrite wif my frens to support me all the way. and i hav let go of the tot of gg to poly. (unless i retain la). anyway i will jia you for promos. so see u guys soon. i <3 my frens. u all rock my socks.

05082007

2007-08-05T05:09:00.000-07:00

what just happenedwas so freaking annoying. it was supposed to be a conference, a time where the family should discuss issues. it ended up as a fight. i really dislike my father (i am more tempted to write down a stronger word but i shall refrain from doing so). he is the foundation of all my troubles. he has never stopped mentioning the fact that he is always the head of the hse and we shld neva forget tt. he scolds me for not being appreciative of wat my mother has done for me (ie washing my clothes and all the other hse chores) but does he do it?? i doubt so. i really feel that he has formed a wall between him and me. tts too bad for him becos wateva he does to enter my life shall be prevented. he is esp bias against me wen i am the one in the hse who has done the least wrong. wat is his problem. he is always picking on me. ive really had enuf of such a life. in fact, i tink my whole family is quite dysfunctional. i hav a mother and sister who screams at each other everyday and tts lyk a routine. they enjoy picking fight with each other even at the start of the day. im really tired of my family but will my "wonderful, all righteous" father say, "GET OUT OF THE HSE IF U DUN LYK IT HERE". wat a great way to solve the problem right.. i just LUV my WONDERFUL family. gdnite.

04082007

2007-08-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

how time flies. it is alr august!!! OMG!! promos will be lyk here in about a month. i can just die now. but anw enuf of the negative talk. yesterday, i completed bang bang youre dead and i completed tapestry 1 week ago. all the super long rehearsals managed to create a great end product that the audience appreciated so i am happy. the 2 day performance was emotionally intense on both nites and it was so deeply felt that sometimes u just absorbed urself into wat u were doing. it was also gd tt what i served to portray (something scary)was conveyed to the audience as feedback from my frens who were in the audience. camwhoring was just the way to end THE DAY.
gabrielle and gabriel (haha. the best TWINS)my CJ supporters. luv you all<32 very hot and sizzling human beings. lol. no la just dharsh and me.yeyelyn and me:))
markEEEE and dharshizzlessstwo great frens . bev and me<3333national day staging.we have brought sexy back3 bitches. hahacam whoring rox! me and bev enjoying it immensely.isaac and me (all wif the common goal of bitching about ........)me and dillon (so cute. look lyk small boy lyk tt. haha.)

31072007

2007-07-31T06:51:00.000-07:00

finally i am HAPPY! these few days hav been gg on fine for me. it SEEMS (becos i do not wan to assume it is true) that life is slowly getting back on track. for drama, i pulled out of arabian nites dance to do costume instead. it is of course an area of major interest and tt is why i feel so happy. furthermore, there has been no major depression in sch but i always hav tt paranoid feeling tt ppl dun lyk me. mayb its becos i put on such a great deal of facades tt i hav forgotten the importance of genuinity. i hav given some ppl i dislyk clean slates, not tt i will become their best frens or anything but i feel tt i shld b polite to such ppl and if i noe stuff tts being wrongly said about them, i will correct it. anyway, im still tired but i feel tt gg to sch is more relaxed. i also learnt tt the end product of anything with hard work is rewarding. tapestry was a fantastic example. i was scolded by raj a few times for various mistakes but at the end of it all, the performance was not lyk WOW kind of gd but it felt nice to perform in front of appreciative audiences. i hope tt my life stays lyk dis for a long time although i noe life is full of roller coasters and there are bound to be obstacles but i will persevere and be prepared. signing off.

26072007

2007-07-26T03:25:00.000-07:00

i reached my breaking pt today. basically, this few days have been all about rehearsing and more rehearsing. plus, i hav developed a sense of fear towards raj, the dance cheoreographer. i have immense fear within me tt sometimes literally suffocates me till i hav a little difficulty in breathing. some may say its an exaggerration but i choose to be quiet becos something bad might happen if non close ppl knew bout this. i am really tired of leading such a life. i shld just consider gg to poly. anyway here is wat happened today. i was very super tired yesterday afta reaching home at 1230am. i had 8hrs of drama rehearsal and wats worse was tt i had sch today. it was really tiring waking up and my whole body was sore. i was lyk begging my mother to let me rest but no. she forced me saying tt i cldnt miss lessons and stuff lyk hello my health is more impt than some stupid studies. if i die there wld b nothing to study. i was so pissed, i started raising my voice. then i got super pissed and started screaming how she was so unreasonable and stuff. i do feel a little bad but i wld neva admit tt it was entirely my fault. other ppl's parents let them sleep in becos their children r impt to them but no my mother is more interested in my studies than me. anyway, i rushed into the toilet sobbing becos i was so stressed tired and emotionally drained. i stormed out off the bathroom and then dashed out of the hse without eating anything. i was so super tired in sch but luckily my frens were lyk there to cheer me up and stuff. so the day has ended alright. i do not want to converse wif anyone later at nite. i shall just focus entirely on my work. i want to go poly. i hate my jc life.

18072007

2007-07-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

omg. i was a total wreck today. i was really really exhausted and i really needed to come home and sleep. basically, my life is centred around drama. ive been attending many many rehearsals as sch becomes more familiar and i go home when everyone else (other than the drama ppl who are rehearsing wif me) has already done so. i was really super tired and on the verge of falling ill. the sleep really has put back some life into me and i am ready for the next strenuous week of rehearsal. ugh i really hate jc life. i dunno why we have to cope wif so many things at one go. i shld hav just gone poly which was my original plan and im not tired of saying it even if other ppl r tired of hearing me say it. i almost brokedown a few times this week, today in the mrt (but the door opened at my stop so i had to get off), during pe on monday (but luckily mr lo, my very nice pe teacher sat next to me to make some casual talk on my horrid life) and yesterday while edlyn talked to me on the stresses of such activities. one might call me a whiner and tt is totally fine wif me becos i do it but really, it is very difficult for me not to do tt becos i am tired. and exhausted. i just want to collapse. ugh. my life sux. although the dancers hav it worth but i am talking about my present experience from my own pt of view. in secondary sch, i onli needed to stay back on fridays for my cca. i had sufficient time to study and enuf time to go out wif my frens. but now, i hav to look through my timetable and ask myself whether ive got rehearsal, which has denied me to access to even just have dinner wif old frens and to meet up wif ex classmates. i was supposed to organize a class outing for my sec 4 class but now i cant becos i dun hav the time to plan and to even go for it. so basically, there is no outing becos of me. why? why god? why does it have to be so tough? mayb its becos i hav to have my character moulded but i really hate the fact tt it has to take up almost every min of my LIFE (um but wat LIFE). exactly, i hav no more life. the extra hrs i hav r for studying becos i am not smart. ugh. it is all just so unfair. I HATE IT!!
well now for something not so significant. my cousin and aunties came from england and america to visit me. so nice. haha. now they r gg to msia, and of course i onli managed to spend less than one day wif them becos the rest of the days i came back super late from drama. haiz. anyway, here are some pics of my super talented cousin andrew. who was lyk grade 5 in piano at the age of 7. damn pro.
the only day i managed to eat dinner wif my relatives.

14072007

2007-07-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

omg! the rgs concert was one tt i didnt enjoy. i had high expectation, expecting them to come out with a complete Shakespearean verse play but it was a broken up kind of play. a little of each play but it was this fact tt made the whole thing so unpleasant to watch. me, samw and darsh were more intersted in making stupid jokes like how the 3 sisters in the play looked lyk powerpuff girls. haha. it was super hilarious. but really, the play was not well done at all. the actresses gave very half hearted performance and they did not connect with the audience at all. i felt lyk it was a i-say-my-lines-and-get-it-done-ova-wif kind of play. and it was lyk an unofficial gathering for us deppers. as dharsh said the onli thing tt she looked forward to was dressing up, which i totally agree. haha. we lyk super cam whored during the 20 min interval and then afta the play took some more. then we went to burger king and ate and ate and took some more pictures. haha. tts prob wat a teens life is all about. enjoying life to the fullest. sometimes i feel that we are made to be so pressured in this country tt we fail to recognize tt we onli live once. of course we shld work hard, tt is without any doubt, but we shld also noe how to enjoy. lately, things havent been so fun, cheerful and happy for me, but yesterday really brought me back to my old self, not just wif the deppers but just seeing my church ppl make me happy becos i luv my wg frens. and i said the most embarassing thing in church. mark asked me wat MADONNA conveys through her actions and without using my brains, i said "she behaves lyk a SLUT!" u shld hav seen everyone looking at me. my face turned super red and i just wanted to bury myself in the ground. OMG. so embarrassing. haha. anyway they will forget it by next week i hope. anyway yesterday was a gd day for me. so yup. thx frens.
hottiesmore hotties chicks and hunks ning and imao and ijune and iclarice and iok the whole place is on fire becos of all the hottiesbabesbeStieXbeStieX 2char, jas and ithe hottest ppl in the hsewe're bringing sexy back a few of america's next top models 2 lesbians. haha.jkjksexeh!and so the cam whoring continues in burger king.
bye everyone, the happy day has now ended. tmr will b a even happier day :)

11072007

2007-07-11T19:46:00.000-07:00

today is one day tt i wld definitely count as a bad bad day. the day started off wif me having to rush becos somehow javier was earlier than me. quite surprising but true. this was one of the rare occasions. haha no offense javier.
then when i reached sch, i was alr drenched in sweat. i hate hot weathers becos i get sticky afta sweating.
then we had lit which was another bad incident. becos i didnt noe how to do qn 10 and 16 og my hols hw, i left it blank but mr tanu said any blanks must get out off the class. if tt wasnt bad enuf, he poked my conscience and said he was disappointed in us. and i dunno why but i dun lyk teachers to feel tt way bout me. then i started thinking of how different it wld b if i had gone poly. i really envy my church frens. i have lyk almost no life becos i dive into my studies, exams and lots of drama.
pe which was alrite and so was maths but as time went on, i was suppopsed to face the whole sch for some cip speech thing. which in case u didnt noe, i do hav stage fright, and i was lyk jittery and all.
then i had to wait in sch for soooooo long and dance lyk mad afta tt. but its sort of a love hate relationship kind of feeling. cos i luv it but im really tired. lyk extremely.
then i reached home and my mother kept nagging bout my maths results. lyk hello i studied and did my best but somehow i dunno why i am so sucky at H1 maths. pathetic right.
ugh i so hate my life. sounds emo. but i hope i can sleep on it and wake up tmr feeling better tmr. i miss sec sch day life where life wasnt such a hastle but something i cld slowly take in and enjoy. im really sry for being so emo but tts my mood now. so lyk u need to respect ur sista:)

ap2007

2007-07-08T19:42:00.001-07:00

it felt good gg back to sji for the annual parade. i was afta all a scout (yes anyone who doesnt noe might gasp) so unlike me but yes i was a scout. this yr didnt seem as grand as last yr. it didnt feel perfect lyk it did last yr. i dunno why. there were oso a few hiccups (one of the flagbearers fainted.) tt must have been super embarrassing. i cannot imagine myself fainting during the actual parade. anyway, i met onli a few close frens there becos somehow everyone has become so entangled in their 17 or 18 yr old lives tt they dun bother coming back. i hung out with elson and yong lin most of the parade and i was chatting wif the various individuals (elson andyl do not noe each other) and so aftawards i went to cam whore as usual wif some of my fav juniors lyk kenny yap and zachariah (and i cldnt find jared). i was supposed to take a 3 generation secretary foto but o well. mayb next yr can take a 4 generation one. haha. i luv sji but i cannot imagine myself in an all boys sch all ova again. girls are so much fun to be wif. u really experience a whole new thing once u leave sji. but of course wen anyone asks me wat my sch is, i say SJI. lyk duh.
the sji military band
formations of the various uniform grps.

crew

2007-07-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

crew work has been exceptionally tiring for me for the past 2 days. but i learnt a lot from this experience. crew for one thing does not look as simple as putting props on the stage then removing them afta the perf. it encourages a lot of teamwork and coordination. it was very trying for me on the first day becos i felt so tired. but yesterday was alright and today i hope will b better. one also has to b lyk super organized and rox is definately the best crew manager. she is lyk super efficient la. everything oso we will look for her one. i have a love hate relationship with crew but ultimately, its the experience i get tt really matters. some "arty" pictures i took while waiting for rehearsals to end.

t3 bbq_2

2007-07-01T01:15:00.000-07:00

well it isnt a surprise tt t3 had yet another bbq. they r such a bunch of great ppl and u can just refer to my previous post and find out why they r such nice ppl. anyway, we went to dinesh's condo for the bbq and it was basically a party to rest afta the horrendous terms (or in cj terms: mid yrs) which almost sucked the life out of me. i almost died OK!! anyway, it was great seeing ppl tt didnt go for my theasthai and it was so fun meeting new ppl lyk zen( i dun tink its spelled correctly becos im spelling it based on my own judgement). haha. it was loads of fun talking, BITCHING (yes, even gerald) and just cam whoring (my fav activity in the world) lol. haha. then there was oso the bbq which lasted throughout the nite (thx zen and anne - zanne. lol, for cooking) it was so nice of u all. of course there r others who helped out but they r less significant haha (jkjk) i was oso whining about how my life at the moment sucks and how i just regret almost every moment of my life in jc but it was gd to hav frens tt listen and talk to me about it and to noe tt we r all in the same boat suffering. haha. anyway here are some of the pics. (notice im in almost all the fotos - the job of a cam whore).
blur pic of yus and mengee derk and medinesh stoning

some random piccorinne ( my most fav auntie in the world )
gerald (extreme left) the joker
grp camwhores. woo hoo!!
our 2 wonderful chefs for the nite. :)
senior class pplretarded!
shocked!jason , happy wif all the FOOD.me, yus, maineanne, me and jason yus, anne, me zen and jasongrp shotanother grp shottwo models
siao!ah pie the marshmellow kingno one is as man as ah pie. lol. (mayb anne. jkjk)
t3 or presently known as t4 foreva.
sry for the late post